Anchored

New Year, New Parenting Hacks

• Harp's Crossing Family Ministry • Season 5 • Episode 1

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We trade fear-based parenting for love, swap screens for presence, and build a simple family mission that kids can repeat and live. We also share practical ways to read more, talk about money, and tithe in view so generosity becomes normal.

• choosing calm, explained discipline over fear
• setting no-phone zones and nightly charging spots
• using a “phone cage” 4:30–7:30 for dinner and homework
• starting a short family mission, tagline, and four values
• adding Scripture and fun to guide daily choices
• building reading habits to grow thinking and empathy
• teaching compensation, give-save-spend, and visible tithing
• encouraging teen work to build responsibility and confidence

Email us your clips or topics: anchored@harpscrossing.com
Call 629-888-3056 and leave a voicemail

🎬Links to Videos discussed in this episode

https://www.instagram.com/reels/C3n2qNdNaAo/ Video 1

https://www.instagram.com/p/C5vggm4yRjj/?img_index=1&igsh=MWFzcnEyemhkdmV1aA== Video 2

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHl0wnLOEXf/?igsh=bXZ6ZmljOXp0bTN1 Video 3 

https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/1794482/episodes/18383189-new-year-new-parenting-hacks

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Daniel:

Hello and welcome back to the Anchored Family Ministry Podcast. We are three dedicated staff members helping families navigate what it looks like to build disciples at home. You know, through discussions, through great, great times, great vibes. And uh with me today is Jennifer Dooley and Paul Allen and myself, Daniel Matthew Noondorfer. Matthew with one team. Yeah, I went full name today. How are y'all doing? How's it going? It's going great. Uh so this will be coming out right at the new year. Yeah, so this is the ghost of Christmas past basically speaking to you in January 2026. That's assuming we made it, right?

Jen:

Indeed.

Daniel:

I think we did. I hope we did. I don't know. I mean, whatever. I'm cool with it. I'm good with it.

Paul:

Our podcast probably will at least make it out. Yeah. If you're listening to this, it means it did. And we survived Christmas, hopefully. So it hasn't happened for us yet. So we're looking forward to that. We're right in the middle. I mean, it's like pre-Christmas, though. We got like what's 14 days to go. So plenty of time to do a lot still for Christmas. Best time, though. It is so much anticipation.

Daniel:

Aren't you doing like a uh Jennifer doing uh days of Christmas with your family?

Jen:

Yep, 25 days of Diddly Christmas.

Daniel:

Oh my gosh.

Jen:

Last night we got new blankets. Get all cozy.

Daniel:

That's good.

Jen:

Yeah.

Daniel:

That's awesome.

Jen:

Tonight mom and dad have a Christmas party, our staff Christmas party. We'll all be hanging out, but the kids I have them each like a thing of candy to bribe them to be good while we're gone. Mom and dad have a party. Tomorrow we decorate the Christmas tree because we still haven't done that.

Daniel:

Oh wow.

Jen:

So yeah, so things are busy, but it's good. Honestly looking forward to 2026.

Daniel:

Yeah.

Jen:

I'm excited. I like a new year. I uh New Year's my favorite holiday.

Daniel:

Is it?

unknown:

Yeah.

Daniel:

Wow. Okay. I'm gonna follow you into this hopeful landscape of 2026. Yeah.

Jen:

It's gonna be a good year.

Daniel:

Don't pay attention to the internet. Just get off. Just tune it out for the last.

Jen:

That's true. Hey, that that's kind of one of the hacks that we may need to talk about for the new year. Don't do it. Just don't do it.

Daniel:

If it bleeds, it leads. So they're only feeding you the negative stuff. It's never good. Oh man. So, well, yeah, talking about New Year's, we're just gonna be talking about uh new year new hacks. Basically parenting hacks, getting on the insta, you know, said get off the internet, but I'm on there. And you know, once you kind of look into some parenting stuff, they start feeding you more parenting stuff. And so I just built up a nice little supply of little Instagram reels, and today we're gonna look at a couple of them and maybe critique them and just uh see where they say some wise things and maybe some less wise things and uh see if we can glean some cool truths from them. Sound good?

Paul:

Sounds good. It's good. I'm excited. It's so hard to categorize videos, you know. You're like all of a sudden like this is good, then all of a sudden it gets bad real quick. So Daniel's collected up some good ones. There's just so much information coming out all the time. Yeah.

Daniel:

Thanks for watching. I collected up some and I just sent them to the crew. The third one I didn't even re-listen to. I'm gonna be listening to it fresh, you know, but that's uh it neither here nor there. Paul, you had like a stat or something you wanted to share?

Paul:

Well, yeah, and it's I I guess this could have actually been a hack because I don't know what Jennifer's hack is yet. I don't think it's this, but I think reading books is huge if you can get your kids reading books. If you as an adult read good books, a lot of adults don't read. That's true. I didn't for a long time. You just you're so busy, uh, you got stuff going on, you're just trying to keep up, and the idea of reading is like exhausting. So there is audible, there's other hacks out there and apps that make reading a little easier. But sitting and reading sometimes is so relaxing but re-energizing. And so, long story short, reading this book on World War II, I've read a ton of books on World War II. I love it. Uh, I came across a stat though that just blew my mind. Okay, so 1941, pre-war, okay, because America didn't engage with the war really until December 7th, 1941. So the year of 1941, I'd like y'all to guess how many new cars were produced in the United States. I mean, I know I'm just not I don't have a clue.

Daniel:

I was thinking of going really low, but I'll go really high, one million. It's actually three million, right?

Paul:

Three million cars. Yeah, America's getting them out there, right? But between 1942, basically, uh-huh and the end of the war, let's say night end of nineteen forty-five and in nineteen forty-six, guess how many new cars are produced in the United States?

Jen:

Like in that whole time frame together?

Daniel:

So during World War II, and you're not counting like war vehicles. No, these are for yeah, personal consumption. Well, then I'm gonna go with my original really low guess, which was gonna be a thousand dollars.

Jen:

I'm gonna go more than that, but not much more than that.

Paul:

I get it, because it was a hundred and thirty-nine.

Jen:

Wow.

Paul:

Oh my gosh. So that shows you, because I mean that just that was so stark and amazing to me. And we know that was like the greatest generation, and everything went on hold, but I didn't understand to what point it went on hold. I mean, the whole nation got behind this right.

Daniel:

They had a mission cry for freedom.

Paul:

Oh my goodness. So that just kind of I don't know, that just motivated me to think, man, if you get your crew going in one direction, whether it's your family, your church, your team, you can change stuff in big, big ways. Materials and supplies were needed to produce ships and planes and boats and wow. Weapons. Wow.

Daniel:

Yeah, they could sacrifice so much towards a thing and also taken away from us in the luxuries. Wow.

Paul:

Yeah, when you read, you come across a stat like that, you should throw that at the dinner table and your kids. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, they might think it's kind of goofy and nerdy, but still you're having some great quality time.

Jen:

Did you happen to look at how many cars are made every year now?

Paul:

No.

Jen:

Okay, so now I'm gonna have to go look at the colour.

Paul:

We can probably Google that real quick. Daniel's doing it. Yeah, because it's okay.

Jen:

So while he's Googling that, I have a friend who's a big reader. I didn't realize what a big reader she was, but we went on a little trip together. There are four ladies hanging out and we're waiting in some lines to do some things. We were at Disney, so a lot of lines. And she keeps pulling out her phone, which we're gonna talk about phone usage in a minute. But I'm like, what in the world are you doing? Because we're all hanging out. You need to talk to us. She was reading the whole time we were standing in lines. Like if there wasn't an active conversation going, if we were just like, eh, whatever. She was reading it. I just she inspired me so much. I've read eight books since that trip a couple months ago because I was so inspired. She's using that time instead of scrolling.

Daniel:

I read something about reading like neurologically what it does to your brain, and they were even talking about reading the Bible, why it's so valuable. But oh yeah, so it says 10.5 to 12.9 million vehicles. These were 2022, 2023. So Yeah, we need that new car, that new luxury.

Jen:

I mean, honestly, that's not as big of a jump.

Daniel:

Yeah.

Jen:

From three million to twelve million. I mean, that's a huge but like not as big as I would have guessed.

Daniel:

I feel a little guilty because I just bought a brand new TV. I'm kind of like, am I leaning into the luxury, lazy, laxadaisical? That's okay. No. As long as I'm out in the yard working, doing what I need to do for God's. It's a balance.

Jen:

Yeah.

Daniel:

Anyways.

Jen:

Parker was saying the other day, you know, my oldest, he's in high school, he had an essay that he had to do, and he said, essays are easy. I'm like, essays are easy. He was like, Yeah, it just comes. And I'm like, 'Cause you're a reader. Readers make good writers. He said, Yeah, that's true.

Daniel:

Yeah. Wow. So yeah. Turn of phrase.

Jen:

Mm-hmm.

Daniel:

All right. Well, let's launch into this first one. You guys at home will be hearing this, but we'll be seeing it. We may post it to social media so you can see it for yourself. And it might be a little scary. I think they put some scary music behind this one. And the uh the label on this one, is your child going to run away from you as soon as possible? Question mark? All right, let's listen in.

Video clip:

Fear casts out love. And you have to remember that that what you've just done is you've entered the path of training your child to survive you. Many parents, you know, grew up in a childhood where they just survived their parents and they got away as fast as they could. And if you're not paying attention to your methods, then you're really not paying attention to the spirit at work in your relationship dynamic.

Daniel:

That was it. Yeah, you could scare your child into submission. But is that the right parenting move to do discuss?

Paul:

Yeah, that one I really liked. Because you just see that so much with adults that they are reliving the trauma of their childhood or dealing in some tough ways. And we deal with that a lot, obviously, in ministry, working with folks and in counseling. I think we all have stuff where we would say, Hey, I hope no one ever finds out about that. That didn't go the way we planned, because we're human and we're sinners. And so as parents, you know, we start out saying, I'm never gonna do that, or I'm never gonna, you know, raise my voice, I'm never gonna lose my temper. Unfortunately, we do. And and so as Christ followers, we want to get more and more Christ-like in our discipline of our kids. And so I believe there is and then there's like this guy was just saying, No, you don't want your kids to be scared of you.

Daniel:

Yeah, terrified of you, yeah.

Jen:

Yeah, to just want to get away. I think about the phrase because I said so a lot. Yeah. I understand because I said so. Yeah, I'm supposed to do what you asked me to do, but why? And so I was a but why kind of kid. And I think all kids are honestly but why. Yeah. And so like even if it takes that extra moment, or in some cases, right now, I need you to do this because I asked you to, and then I will explain it to you later. Yeah. We can talk more about this later, but right now, I need you to do this because I asked you to. I'm okay with that. And so I think that that's one of those ways, like it takes an extra minute, but it makes a big impact. I think when I was teaching, I felt the thought of that video even more because I wanted my kids to love me and respect me as an authority figure in their life so that they wanted to do what I asked them to do. That was how I approached my teaching. I love you, I care for you. And the result is kids who turn in homework or who come to you if they have questions about math or about anything, really. And so my teaching trained me more than anything. Um my parents are wonderful and they were wonderful examples of building a relationship, but my teaching experience really prepared me to parent more like that, maybe.

Paul:

I think too, you know, God is so creative in how he puts couples together and creates a family, a marriage, you know, of a lot of times opposites. And so one parent might be more of the disciplinary, another one more of the gentle, grace-oriented one. And that's good. I think you can work that way, but you just need to really communicate as husband and wife. I know I struggled with that. I was always uh maybe being too graceful and then you know, get upset when dad finally had to get involved. Oh no, it's bad, you know. And and so talking it through, I think, with your spouse, uh, if you're a single parent, you know, having a plan to say, okay, how are we going to discipline? Because every kid is different. So the rules you make for one kid, all of a sudden you realize I gotta adjust those for the second kid, but you can have some general parameters where, hey, yeah, we may spank, but we're always going to do it in a way where they know what's going on. It's in control, it's not abuse, it's not fear scaring them. Or you may say, with this kid, no, we just look at them the wrong way and they crumple.

Jen:

I agree. And I think gender does come into play a lot between kids and parents because the way that Tim reacts to Charlie is different because she's a girl. He responds to her differently than what I do. And I'm like, Are you kidding me? No. And so I'll jump in. I'm quicker, but with the boys, he's quicker to jump to the I guess the harder side of things. Whereas I want to my baby boys. You know what I mean? It's funny, but that does come into play. So you're right, with single parenting, um, that's huge because you have to be all of those roles or enlist others in your life to help you with those other roles. So there's a plan, no matter what the situation is, it's always good.

Paul:

Yeah, I and it's a a lot of debate uh about like physical discipline, you know, like spankings. I remember going to elementary school where I got like a spanking from the principal, and that used to be very common in our culture. Yes. Uh, and I think there's been a definite reversal of that to the point of saying, don't ever do that, because it's all abuse, to hopefully come into something a little bit more realistic, saying, No, there are times if again, every family each to their own. But I know, like for me growing up, I got spanked. I needed it, but my dad was always so calm and collected, explained what was happening. He wasn't angry, he was explaining the discipline I knew I needed, even though I didn't want it. It hurt, I didn't like it, but I learned a lot that way.

Jen:

I can take a screen away from my kids. My parents didn't have that. Like, I I wouldn't have always been on a screen. Now I could have had inside time and I couldn't go outside, but as a parent, I'm like, no, I want you to go outside. Like, go now.

Paul:

Maybe no TV or something. Right.

Jen:

But the consequences were different. And so I think that that has also led to maybe a scaling back of that corporal punishment because we have a lot of other things that we can use to take away, maybe.

Paul:

And let's be honest, there's a lot of abuse that does go on.

Jen:

Yeah, oh, for sure.

Paul:

Where it's just, I mean, you're not disciplining, you're you know, you're beating your your kid, and that's never okay. No.

Daniel:

Yeah, no. I had a random question, because I've seen this in clips where a child is disciplined either, you know, through a spanking or it could be anything, and then they're crying and they want to be near the parent like immediately after that did the punishment. What's up with it? Like I think that's a good thing, right? I just uh the emotion and all of it's going on. It's kind of like I guess they sense that their parents are disappointed, and so they want to cling to them and that's what I would think it was. Yeah.

Jen:

I've disappointed you, and I know you still love me, and I know you had to do this, or whatever it was. Yeah. But I'm sorry for that. And sometimes they don't know how to say it and crying and wanting to hug you.

Daniel:

It feels like a paradox, but it's just not because you say it was physical punishment, but then they also they immediately want that physical touch to be held and to be reassured.

Paul:

Yeah, that's kind of what we're talking about, I think, in general, with this hack, if you want to call it that, or practice. You know, if you're looking for something in a new year to try, I think this is one that we all could get better at is having that balance, like Daniel was just talking about, of hey, you're being disciplined, but I love you, and let's talk about it. And as the kids certainly get older, they can have longer discussions. And they may not like it, but I remember so many times I asked my kids, you know, one at a time, depending on what happens, like, hey, let's go sit on the back porch and chat. They wouldn't love it, but I would be able to explain to them like the biblical reasoning behind this, the logistical reason, how this would affect you if you don't stop this behavior and you get older when you're 16, 17, 18, these are the results that are gonna get worse for you.

Jen:

Yeah, your natural consequences are gonna come into play too. We don't tend to punish immediately either at our house.

Daniel:

So it's not a reaction, like an immediate reaction.

Jen:

No, now when they're little and they're fixing to do something, I'm not gonna say we didn't pop them, but sometimes that was to get an attention, right? Not the punishment, like the consequence that's gonna happen. So we don't tend to punish right away. And that gives Tim and I a chance to talk and be on the same page.

Daniel:

That's smart. Yeah. That's good. Also tells the kids they're not gonna get away with things just because that's right. You can't play us against each other.

Jen:

Oh, yeah, we don't forget.

Daniel:

Yeah.

Jen:

I'm gonna put a reminder in my phone.

Daniel:

That happened to me a couple of times growing up. My dad said, We're gonna talk about this. Yeah. Yeah. We did not talk about it. And so I'm just sitting there like in fear for like a day or two, and I'm like, All right, I think I'm good now. Anyways. All right, I got a next uh video here. The caption on this one, this father shows how little choices affect your kids, and there's a uh side by side of one where he's holding the child, but looking at his phone, the other one where he's holding the kid, but not looking at his phone. Let's see what it says here. Yeah, these uh no words, but again, it's just side by side. Here it is, the baby is taking away the phone because the dad's paying attention to it more than he is the child. And again, just holding them with the phone versus holding them without the phone. There's them at the dinner table doing uh little playthings with one, and the other is the guy's just on his phone and the kid's just playing by himself. And you can see the difference in the kid. The one kid is laughing and enjoying the time with his dad. Yeah. More the same.

Jen:

Look at the success he's having playing with those blocks, how tall it is when dad's helping him.

Daniel:

Oh my gosh, yeah, I didn't even notice that. Yeah. Because they're building it together. And there's a lot of joy on this kid's face. So that's it. Basically, just showing the uh the little choice of just being more addicted to your phone or spending more time with your phone and less time, focused time on your kid and giving them that attention that they need, that they crave.

Paul:

Hang on, Daniel. What did you say? I was on my phone, I didn't hear anything you just said. I love because that's what the one of the first comments there says this applies to every social interaction. Don't be an absent person.

Jen:

Yes.

Daniel:

Yeah.

Jen:

I think the video says so much, like there's so little that we have to say. Yeah. It's true.

Paul:

Yeah, when you see that little toddler, yeah, walking out and seeing what's important to dad, and they want to look at the phone too. And we've all seen it, you know, at restaurants or at different events where I'm like, man, your kids on stage performing and you're looking at your phone. I've probably done it too.

Jen:

I think we're all probably guilty of it, and it it's so commonplace that we don't even realize we do it. I think smart watches are the worst. And I have one but you get a text and you're in a conversation with someone, and what do you do? I mean, it's just quit don't do that. Don't do that.

Daniel:

I I could tell you a time before smart watches, my mom, she was really upset at this. She needed someone to speak to. Her her father had just passed away, my grandfather, and she's speaking to somebody who is someone you would want to speak to concerning grief. And uh he glances at his watch. That was a long time. It was twenty plus years ago, so way before smartphones.

Jen:

Yeah, I have something else on my schedule.

Daniel:

Yeah, so it just had to do with time and and she just stopped and walked away. Yes. And never returned to that place. So it uh it speaks a lot the attention, the amount of time you give to people.

Jen:

And if we feel that as adults, imagine what our kids feel.

Daniel:

Oh, yeah, they they pick up every time.

Jen:

And what they're learning.

Daniel:

Yeah.

Paul:

Yeah, this one's pretty straightforward. I mean find ways to start limiting your screen time when you're around each other.

Jen:

I mean, really a quick one is don't have them out at the table.

Paul:

Yeah.

Jen:

Whether you're at home at the table, which you should be eating together at least a couple times a week, or if you're at a restaurant, put them away.

Paul:

Yeah, we do that. And it it's funny, we make a big deal out of it. So if we catch ourselves doing it, it's like, hey, no, we're looking at this if we don't even want to be known as those people. So are like, hey, Mandy, look at this with me, because this is a funny thing I'm trying to show you. So I mean, phones are obviously great tools. It entertaining. We learned so much. Hey, we're watching videos from it right now. Yes. Yeah.

Jen:

Like confession. Confession.

Paul:

Yeah.

Jen:

One of our dually 25 days. We had a Grinch night. We got the Grinch nails meals from Mickey D's with the socks and everything. And then we watched The Grinch.

Daniel:

Cool.

Jen:

And it was amazing because the kids were laughing and talking, and they don't know how to watch a movie. They just want to talk through the whole thing. That's fine. We're getting better at it. But Tim and I like to watch a movie in quiet. Well, they don't. They were talking, they were having such a fun time. Parker, I mean, he's the 14-year-old. He's the one, he's almost 15. He's got a phone. He wants to be on his phone. He's always got something going on. He put his phone down watching the movie. And then he said something, and Tim and I were like, Y'all just be quiet watching the movie. And they're like, he called us out very quickly. He said, Well, at least I put my phone down.

Daniel:

Dang.

unknown:

Okay.

Daniel:

You're right, buddy.

Jen:

You sure did.

Daniel:

I've heard this from streaming services like Netflix and others that they're starting to have to consider that people are second screen watching.

Jen:

Yes.

Daniel:

In other words, the movie is on it's the background. The true focal point is the phone in front of them. And so they're dumbing down movies so that you can glance up at a moment and find out where you are in the plot. So that's kind of the day and age we live in where our phones are demanding so much attention from us that everything's getting dumbed down. And I mean, my goodness. What are kids gonna do? They're gonna do whatever it takes to get attention. Because they want it. Yes. They crave it, right? They you know, as little infants, they want the to be held, to be, you know attention is like the lowest form of love.

Jen:

Yeah. Very first video, she pulled the phone away from him and she watched it and walked away. So if we're not giving them the attention they want and deserve, they're just gonna be on their phones because you feel uh at least connected to something, I guess. I don't know.

Paul:

Yeah, I think talking about that sort of stuff is really helpful with this generation because they've known nothing different. Um so it seems very normal to them and it probably seems very old-fashioned for us to say, Hey, put it down, let's go outside and play. But I think when you have those conversations and you talk about it, it begins to make more sense and they know it. It clicks. Uh it's a horrible experiment happening with this generation because of the phone usage. They're finding health issues in younger kids who just aren't getting out to even socialize or the physical side of it, the mental trauma of seeing this stuff over and over again and and doom scrolling of videos and yeah, it's it's not good. And so I think kids know that, and we need to have as adults conversations with them and remind them, and then lead in our families and say, We're putting them down. No, I don't care. Put it up. We plug it out because our kids have appreciated that over the years, and it's almost like a standard like, no, you plug your phone up downstairs at this time. That's right. There's all these tools on phones now. We obviously you can do screen time and do locks where hey, no, at this time the phone's off. They need them in school, they need them for homework, they need them for all sorts of things. Our daughter's at 14 has a little mini business she's doing as a little nail tech. She sets up her appointment, she's on her phone all the time, communicating with people, setting up appointments. Yeah. Or looking at nails, and I'm like, what are you looking at? And I'm like, Oh, she's working. Yeah.

Jen:

You know, so yeah, I do need to text her actually about my next appointment. Yeah.

Paul:

Great tools. Yeah.

Daniel:

I like how at night y'all put away all your phones and your computers are not allowed in their rooms. Yeah. Which is good. Right. Because I mean, you go see the glow of that screen underneath the door without a doubt. All right, let's jump on to this next one. This is from Donald Miller. He's a author and he's turned into like a really business kind of guy. He wrote a book that I really love, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Uh, this is the one I haven't listened to just yet, so let's listen in and see what he says.

Video clip:

The Miller family has core values, and that's kind of different. A lot of families don't think of uh having core values for a family, but to us it's it's really been very, very helpful. Um the way it works, it works like this. When we have a mission statement, our mission statement is in a world tempted by cynicism, we believe life can be beautiful. That's really it. The world is tempted by cynicism, they don't think life can be beautiful. That's a very tempting uh frame of mind, and we resist that. We believe that you can actually do things to make life really beautiful. We have so that's our mission statement. Then we have a tagline, and the tagline is life can be beautiful. Very strategically written, can be. Doesn't always have to be, doesn't mean it's going to be, but it can be, and so we fight for whatever percentage chance we have at making something beautiful. And then we have core values that we try to live out in order to accomplish that mindset or to stay inside of that frame of mind. The first is grounded. We are grounded, and so often I say to my three and a half year old, when maybe, you know, she's uh having a lot of emotions or whatever, uh, I say it's perfectly great to have emotions. Millers know how to be grounded. So we know how to calm ourselves down, be centered, know who we are. This means very little to the three and a half year old, but imagine being that language being used around the house from three on until you're 21. You would know how to return back to being grounded. Uh another core value of ours is that we are attuned. And I talked about this the other day. Attuned means that you're paying attention to what other people in the room are feeling. Uh that's really all it is. You're tuned in to what's going on. And so if we ever go to a party when Emiline is uh a teenager or something, we might say, Hey, who'd you tune into? What were people feeling in the room? Because that's something that we want to practice and get better at. That is going to help her create great connections with others and also see needs where needs to be met. Needs need to be met. Uh the third actually goes into that. We are helpful. Millers are helpful. So, you know, why are we doing this for these people? Because we're helpful. We just see a way for us to help and we help. We don't try to solve the world's problems. We don't, we're not burdened, we're not codependent. But listen, where we can be helpful, we're going to be helpful. And the final one is the absolute best one. Millers are fun. So we don't take all of this stuff too seriously. We don't take ourselves too seriously. When there's an opportunity to have fun, if we're gonna have do the dishes and have a dance party while we're doing the dishes, whatever. You know, it's not a fake thing. It's not like we're trying to project this identity. Uh, we fail at this stuff all the time. But at the same time, it's a mission, it's who we are becoming, it's the purpose for our family. We don't just exist to exist. We exist to accomplish a mission, to have a frame of mind about the world, to uh activate or actualize these core values. And bottom line, it's something to do other than just coast through life, right? So it's a great thing. What we have is a mission statement, a tagline, and four family values. I will write a book, probably a 40 or 50 page book, that Emma Line will be able to share with her kids about the family values that she grew up with and which all these things are explained. It's a great exercise. If you're leading a family, it is a great exercise to create a mission statement, a tagline, and at least four family values, and then try to live those out.

Daniel:

What's funny is I remember this in the book Million Miles in a Thousand Years, he was dating, he was engaged to the woman he's married to now, and he felt like something was missing. And he actually went to a business meeting, you know, it was about setting up a business and creating a business statement or whatever, you know. And uh he was like, Oh, can I just apply this to my life? Can my life have a mission statement? And I'm about to be married to this woman. What if our marriage had a mission statement? And so he wrote it out and he called her up and uh read it off to her, and she was like, She was just over the moon, she loved it so much. It's like, oh, we have a vision now for our family. I was like, Oh, that's pretty smart. So it's cool to see uh it's still going on because that was a very long time ago that that book was written. Yeah. So yeah. Any thoughts?

Paul:

I love it for a lot of reasons. I know it probably seems unrealistic for most families to think, what, you know, yeah, when are we gonna slow down to do that? But I love that his was very simple. That's a clue right there for us if we're gonna attempt to do this in the new year. Keep it simple. Stuff that you can say easily at the dinner table. It's not four sentences to explain one value. It's just, hey, we're helpful. Because obviously that'd be the sort of stuff you could highlight, you know, and bring up. It made me think about our church, you know, like our mission statement. I know now if we've been doing it for so long, it's you know, building relationships that lead to gospel transformation. I was thinking, hey, we should be saying that. We should be asking that in staff meetings. We should ask, hey, someone someone in here tell a story about you you're building a relationship that leads to gospel transformation. If no one has anything to say, we're like, uh-oh, well, let's work on that this week, right? And so as a family, though, yeah, at dinner table around uh when you're talking, uh what a great way. And I love that too, to be able to say, like, hey, who'd you tune into? So you're following up on these things. Yeah, I mean, his was great, but come up with your own.

Jen:

I like that he included fun.

Paul:

Yeah.

Jen:

Because sometimes when we think mission or vision, and we do think business like, right, we're thinking more of um production. Production, a checklist, that that kind of thing. And that that's I just want to be fun.

Daniel:

Yeah.

Jen:

We sang Holly Jolly Christmas this morning on the way to school. That was fun. Like I want to do that.

Paul:

Yeah. It's a small window, I think. But it has a huge impact. Start when the kids are young and carry it on until they graduate. But that goes by quickly, believe it or not, 18 years flies by. And so in that time, you know, developing one of ours was, you know, we want to have great celebrations. Well, who doesn't?

Jen:

Right.

Paul:

But that reminded us, hey, if we're gonna do this, let's do it really well. Yeah. And it can get excessive. I mean, you can go to 25 days of Christmas if you're not I'm not saying that's excessive, but that's it's excessive, y'all. It's excessive. Your kids are gonna remember. I hope so.

Jen:

They ask about it. And Charlie even told me, You're doing a really great job with this this year, Mom. That's awesome. Yeah. She said last year I felt like we were so busy we didn't get a lot in, but you've really done a great and so she they they appreciate it.

Paul:

Yeah, each one of your kids are probably gonna want to do something like that in their family. Yeah.

Jen:

So as we talk about these mission visions, I know our pastors, I know one phrase that they always said at their house, there's never reason to be unkind. Well, I think that I know too. Oh my goodness. I know more about them than I don't know. I mean What's the other? Um remember who you are. Yeah. And my parents said something very similar. Remember who you are and who you represent. Every time I left the house as a teenager, that statement was said to me.

Daniel:

Yeah.

Jen:

Remember who you are and who you represent. I didn't realize we had a mission, but maybe maybe we did have a statement growing up. And sometimes these things just show up like you realize these things. A teenager leaving the house and something you say regularly, like kind of a built-in statement you didn't know you already had.

Paul:

Yeah, it has a lot to do with your dynamic as a married couple and your dynamic within the scope of your family. It's hard, I'll admit it, but if you work at it, you can get more intentional about saying, hey, let's figure out, let's craft a a statement that will make sense to our kids as to what we're about. You know, the Alens are this. This is what we do. And I'm thinking of some that we've done over the years about being great stewards or great managers of what God gives us. Well, that plays out in all sorts of things.

Jen:

Yeah, and I think this podcast is coming out in January. What a great way to start the new year.

Paul:

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, and I agree with what Jennifer was saying. Make it fun, have some fun ones in there. And then have some serious ones so that you can celebrate both.

Jen:

But I wonder if the Millers are Christian family. Do you remember from when you read the book? Yeah. Yeah. I would want maybe a scriptural reference. Scriptural reference for sure. Uh something. I don't disagree with any of his uh no, not at all.

Daniel:

But no, no, they're really good. Um yeah, it could be simple positive um declarative statement. I don't think it should be anything negative. No, for sure. Or Doyle Rules, I remember that was their family one from that movie. I can't remember. It doesn't matter. Well, I do want to say something about I love the overarching idea, but I just want to say the life is beautiful. I just really think that's very good and very needed. I remember this uh Tonin O'Brien was going off air.

Jen:

Yeah.

Daniel:

His last show, he just gives a speech without the comedy behind it, you know. But he said, Everyone is so cynical nowadays. He's like, I just want you to know you don't have to be cynical, but good things can happen in life. And uh just kind of like we mentioned, uh, you know, this world can be so negative and uh you can be so overwhelmed by all the negativity. So I just love that they had a positive one that life can be beautiful. I agree, yeah. I think so. For sure. And I'll throw in some scripture. We were reading through James 4 and James chapter 5, and it seems like there's two instances in there where you're faced with a choice, and you can literally choose a direction to go into. One point he's saying if you're doing a negative thing, this is in James 4, you should change your joy into sadness and you should weep and get before the Lord in repentance and he will relent. So it's like you don't want to fake it and kind of throw out truth when in reality if you're walking away from God, you need to be walking towards him. So it's like, oh, I can just change my direction. And then in James chapter five, he's talking about prayer and Elijah being a man just like us, and he he prayed fervently. And um we noted that in the old testament in Kings, I believe it is, it's where it almost sounds like, oh, he just prayed one time and the rain stopped. But here in James he's saying, No, he prayed fervently. It's like no, it was a continuous thing in a direction. It says he prayed for the rain to come back, and we noted that he had to send his servant up to the mountain and check a couple times. So he prayed, it didn't happen, he prayed, it didn't happen, he prayed, it didn't happen. Anyways, it was just like, no, you can choose to pray for God's will to be done. Yeah.

Paul:

I think that's within Jennifer mentioned that, and Daniel's alluding to it too for sure that uh as a Christian family, let several of these, especially even your main one, be straight from scripture, because there's so many there. I mean, hey, uh the Allen's we're gonna learn how to abide. We're gonna be good at abiding in Christ. Maybe one of them could be we pray for each other. Yeah. Simple, but that's important. Hey, you know, we pray for each other around.

Jen:

Well, and that puts a different spin on if your kids are fighting. But yeah, I mean that's gonna happen, but you know, that anger that you have, let's just turn that around. Like, are you praying for your brother? Yeah. So I think it's fun to look at all of these, the three that we've looked at, and then I know we've got a couple more we want to share. But I think they all go back to relationships. Like the relationship you have within your family with co-workers, all of these things go back to relationships. The relationships you're gonna have if you put the phone down, the relationships you have if you're gonna parent not through fear or consequences, but through love. If you're working on a family mission or vision or goal, you're definitely working with your relationship.

Paul:

All right, so you want to go with uh Sure, yeah.

Jen:

Mine ties into the second video really, really well. And we did this for a while and we've stopped, and now I'm like, oh, I should probably do that and include the kids in it.

Daniel:

So this is a Jay Duoley life hack. J.

Jen:

Duel's life hacking parenting hack. No, it's just life. It's just life because it should be for everybody. From 4 30 to 7 30, we put the phones in a cage. We had a little container and we would put the phones in them. Life changing.

Paul:

How long have you been doing that?

Jen:

Like I said, we're not currently doing it.

Paul:

Negative.

Jen:

Uh uh, we did it, I don't want to say for a couple of years. Okay, wow. I was the best at it.

Paul:

Yeah. Rule follower.

Jen:

Yeah, I'm quite the real follower. But it's so nice to just put it down because if somebody calls from work, well, I'm I'm not at work right now. I can follow up with a text later. But one of my friends would get really frustrated because she'd be like, I needed you, and I knew what time it was, and I knew you wouldn't even answer your phone if I called you. So it was kind of nice. Other people picked up on that. Yeah. Like it's hard. But we did 4 30 to 7 30. Now you can, of course, alter the time, but that meant dinner time was in there, so it was put away during dinner time. And it was really nice.

Daniel:

It made me happy when you said your friend would call and you knew you wouldn't pick up. I've kind of done that with my friends a little bit where if they text me, don't expect an immediate response back. Yes. I've tried to scale that back because I don't want to feel overwhelmed by notifications. But if you want to talk to me right now, go ahead and call me. Now, I mean, some of them are younger, so they don't think of their phones as phones. Yes. They think of them as text machines, so it's definitely outside of their uh comfort zone. It's like, dude, just give me a call, man. I can talk to you for two minutes and we can get done what would have taken 20 minutes and random text. Yeah.

Paul:

I kind of have started losing my phone on purpose in the evenings. It's great, it's hilarious. Kind of I had a dark phone case. I might get that again because I would set it down somewhere and just forget about it. And then everybody's like, Oh yeah, go, we're leaving. I'm like, hang on. I have no idea where my phone is because I, you know, it's like I have a love-hate relationship with it. And at home, a lot of times in the evening, I just put it somewhere up on a shelf and forget where I put it. And then like before I go to bed, I'm like, I need to find that thing. But it's kind of nice.

Jen:

That's the problem with a smartwatch too. You just ping it and then you follow this down. You said uh you were trying to not respond immediately or you know, train your brain a little bit with that, or put your phone away and so you couldn't respond. I have a problem too. I want to do that, but then if I text you, I need you to text me right back.

Daniel:

Oh, how I've had to it's oh yeah, it's good.

Jen:

If I need an immediate response, I need to call somebody. Or just slow down. You don't need an immediate response.

Paul:

A lot of this too, what I hear is staying in in control. And you know, God's spirit is one of control and peace and order. I think technology, if we're not careful, could make us feel out of control. Yes. My hack has to do about relationship, but about your relationship with money. Because that is something that certainly will make folks feel out of control. The topic of money and budgeting, and you got your outliers that are like, oh, I'm good with that. I'm a wizard, I know how to invest, got it all under wraps, we're tithing perfectly. But most of us are would say like money is a mess, money's hard, money stresses us out, we've got a bad relationship with money for most folks. And the Bible has over 2,500 verses on money. It's a big deal because it's like one of those things you do have a relationship with. Yeah. If you're not careful, it will be your master, right? And the Bible teaches you you can't have two masters, only one. So money should just be a tool. And money is a big deal to your kids at a very early age. They start realizing I need that stuff. Yes. I want to buy my latte or whatever. I don't know, you know, get my donuts. You know, but they start wanting that money pretty early, and that's been the case forever. Now they have more awareness, I guess, and kind of access uh with technology. Uh so I think using uh in the new year, you could very well use your habits around money to help disciple your kids. Instead of uh providing an allowance, uh provide compensation. That's worked really well for us to say, hey, there are things you can do around the house that we will compensate you for if you do them at a certain time with a good attitude. We're happy to compensate you. And it's not a lot, but it's something. Besides, if you don't do those, if you do it with a bad attitude or you don't care, you're still gonna have to do them and you just won't get compensated. So let's be on this together, you know. And so uh that's helped us a lot with our kids to help teach them about money, how to Save, spend, give, tithe, that sort of thing. And then that follows into a job. And a job has been one of the best hacks that we've come across for our kids to learn a whole lot about growing up. I'm sure now that we do have one that's married, I thought we taught everything. I'll just tell you guys the culture is more and more doing everything they can to be sure our young people don't become adults.

Daniel:

Yeah. Without a doubt, yeah.

Paul:

Yeah. Make it as easy as they can to wait until they're in their thirties to have to even worry about it. And by then it's almost too late. Yeah. You haven't built that muscle. You're gonna just complain and there's gonna be all those videos that are up there all the time talking about how hard it is to make ends meet. I just don't think it's any harder than it used to be. Sure, you can talk about inflation, you can talk about all that sort of stuff. It's simply a matter of discipline and wisdom. And so start teaching your kids at a really young age how to have a great relationship with money and let that be an area where they have peace in their life and they'll stand out big time.

Jen:

I think one thing that we should be teaching with that too is tithing.

Paul:

Yeah.

Jen:

First, it's off the whole amount, not your bring home. But it's first. You don't do that if you have some left at the end. Yeah. And I will say, if we're talking little hacks about that, if you compensate your kids and let's say they earn ten dollars, give them ten ones. So then you can help them learn how to divvy that up into save, spend, give, and that ten percent automatically. Well, if you got ten dollars, what's ten percent? You just move your decimal point. Sorry, that math teacher comes out. And also we used to when we would tithe, our kids wouldn't see it. And so we made sure that we were tithing in cash for a while until they saw that this isn't just an online thing and just go into the ATM doesn't cut it because then they just don't understand the concept of an ATM that that's your money in the bank. But we made sure that we would have cash to tithe in an envelope at church.

Paul:

So that makes a big deal.

Jen:

Maybe those are tiny little hacks, yeah.

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah, when they see that, yeah, you don't have to tell them how much, but when they see stacks of 20s or whatever, they're like, oh, that's a lot. And like, yeah, if you don't start this habit now, it's not gonna get easier as you make more money. It's gonna be a good one.

Jen:

No, it does not harder. Yeah.

Daniel:

Right. Really good stuff. I always keep some cash on me. That's how I light my cigars with a Chris hundred dollar bill. Uh sorry, no, that's not true.

Paul:

AI's not gonna know what to do with that when it tries to summarize this episode.

Jen:

Maybe the title of this episode.

Daniel:

Yeah. It was pretty fun looking at these videos and you know, sifting through them and just talking over it and discussing it, seeing what uh came to the surface, what was good, bad, all the above. I mean, these were pretty good ones. And you're welcome to do that. If you want to email us in, maybe you saw a clip and you want us to discuss it, uh, or got an email here, anchored at harpscrossing.com. We also got a phone number, 629-888-3056. We won't pick up, but if you leave a voicemail, we will listen in. And maybe you come up with an awesome thing that you want us to discuss or go over, and uh we'd love to do it. So thank you for tuning in this time, talking about a new year, new hacks, and uh hope you're having a great start of the year 2026. It's gonna be a good one. Life is beautiful, that's right, life can be beautiful, and uh with the Lord, uh man, good times. It just keeps getting better and better and sweeter and sweeter. So, uh, as always, thank you for joining us and stay anchored.

Contributor

Jennifer Dooley

Host
Contributor

Paul Allen

Host
Contributor

Daniel Neundorfer

Producer
Contributor

Craig Christian

Editor