Anchored
Helping families navigate what it looks like to build disciples at home.
Anchored
Why Choosing Your Spouse Daily Changes Your Home
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We share why dating your spouse matters in a busy home, how small rhythms build a strong marriage, and how kids benefit when parents choose each other with intention. Theology meets practice as we talk phones down, curiosity up, and service as everyday romance.
• marrying pursuit with faith and the Christ–church model
• setting phones aside to be present
• using small windows for spontaneous, low-cost dates
• modeling healthy conflict, repair and affection for kids
• balancing kid talk with big-picture marriage conversations
• serving each other to lower stress before dates
• creating consistent rhythms like Friday lunches or walks
• navigating newborn logistics and trusting sitters
• celebrating milestones beyond anniversaries
To reach out to us at 629-888-3056. You can leave a voicemail or a text, or you can email us at anchored@harpscrossing.com
Thank you guys for tuning back in to the Anchored Family Ministry Podcast. If you didn't know, we are for today, four dedicated staff members helping families navigate what it looks like to build disciples at home. I have with me today Jennifer Dooley, Paul, Denton Allen. I just exposed your middle name. Sorry. And James Spencer. And your middle name is Theodore. I'm just kidding. I don't know. What is it? Peter. Peter. That's good.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, Double New Testament.
Daniel:And I am Daniel Matthew Noondorfer. Matthew with one T. Jennifer gets uh remain anonymous. Yeah, four dedicated staff members today. Thank you, James, for joining in with us. How are y'all doing today?
Jen:Fantastic. Is that new music?
Daniel:I was wondering that too. It was like a remix. It's the same new music that we've been playing for these newer episodes.
Jen:I paid attention to it more today. I like it. Good.
Daniel:Yeah. And Paul's doing well also? Yes. Excellent. Doing good. How are you? I'm good. I can't complain. You know, just watch the Super Bowl. Good times.
Jen:Indeed.
SPEAKER_00:Valentine's Day is coming up. February's definitely a month of kind of transitions, it feels like.
Daniel:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You know, like we're into the new year and then looking forward to things in the spring semester. So it's uh obviously football's gone, baseball's coming. It's a good time. The shortest month.
Jen:It is.
Daniel:Oh yeah. Got a little bit of a fall spring happening right now. I love it though.
Jen:Do you know what's really great about this February? Have you looked at it on a calendar? It's Sunday through Saturday. It is four weeks. Just a blot.
SPEAKER_00:It's impressive. Sorry. Because it's four weeks. My math art.
Jen:It is.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
Jen:If we could just cut it off all the months, we just line so nicely. Sorry. It makes me so happy.
Daniel:Uh well, another event that happens in February is Valentine's Day, you know. And whether or not you think it's just a made-up holiday from Hallmark to get you to buy candies and sweets and cards or whatever, it still exists, and so a lot of people I know are gonna participate in it. And uh that kind of leads us into our topic today. We're talking about going on and pursuing your spouse, your loved one, in dates and uh continuing to put that relationship as primary within your family. You know, we're we're mainly talking to families that have children at home. And so I know a lot of times they're kind of jockeying for position and becoming numeral uno as far as they're being loved the most. But yeah, we're talking about dates and taking your spouse out and creating that intimacy for sure.
Paul:We got different uh perspectives here for sure. Different amounts of being married lengthwise. How many years? Uh twenty-seven. What year? Uh ninety-eight. Yeah, so to be it'll be twenty-eight this July.
Jen:Two thousand eight.
Paul:Okay. Twenty twenty-one. So five years. Yeah. My wife's not a big Valentine's fan. Doesn't want to do much. I know she wants to do something, but not much. And so I casually this morning said, Hey, don't do much for Valentine's Day, okay? She said, Can we do nothing? And I'm like, Yeah, sure, but I'm not that crazy. And then she's like, Well, don't fall for it. No, and so I said, I'm not that crazy. And then she said, uh, well, why don't we Okay, yeah, let's do it. Good. Boom. Okay, so I'm set. I appreciate that level of communication for sure. No, I'm set as far as I know a direction to go. Okay. And I can add to that and do a little bit more, but I'm like, okay, I gauged her. Because if she, I mean, there's times before where uh she said, let's not do nothing, and she meant it. Yeah, and I misread it. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. You know, when it comes to that sort of stuff, there's all these memes out there that are kind of accurate at times, but it's at the same time, you you know your spouse, hopefully, you're learning their love language and all that, their moods, the timing of stuff. It can be a real challenge, and then you throw kids into the mix and life and jobs and everything else, and man, date night can become a real struggle and become something that's on the back burner for way too long.
SPEAKER_00:My first Valentine's Day married, I was working at Red Lobster because I worked there through seminary, and then we got married in January of 21. We moved to Georgia so I could take a job at a church in March of 21, but I was like still working throughout that time. And then my last day was on Valentine's Day, mandatory work day at restaurants. So I figure we have the first one, you know, kind of start low, like that'll be the low point. Yeah, everything else from there will be better. To take home some of those biscuits, I probably did which it's a good Valentine's Day gift.
Jen:Yeah. We do uh family Valentine's. So if this comes out and t or y'all want to give Tim a heads up, we still need to do something for Valentine's Day. But we do breakfast for dinner and I decorate and the kids all yeah, everybody gets a little something. And it's fun to me because and what makes it even better and and better for Valentine's Day is because we play Tim and I get to pick the music and we sing and dance in the kitchen, and it's just a fun family time. But he and I have that time of making dinner together, which is fun. Fun for us. But we do it right for Valentine's Day, but as a family. But we do date nights other nights.
Paul:So I mean, we're talking about date nights, but I appreciate you already talking about, you know, just at home interacting, how a husband and wife interact in front of their kids can be huge. Obviously, it is huge, and it could be good or bad. And so, you know, from my own experience growing up, my parents, I hardly ever saw them get upset with each other. But they I could tell they were like in a disagreement, but I also saw them, you know, make up and enjoy each other. I saw them take time for each other, go on trips with each other, and I just grew up with that. So I'm like, marriage is great, can't wait, you know. But for a lot of other people, that's not the story. I've done a a lot of weddings, and pretty much almost seems like in every wedding I've done, there's been at least that dynamic where one has had maybe a more positive view of marriage because how they've grown up, and one's had a really scared, maybe nervous view of marriage. And I understand sometimes even if you have a tough upbringing in that realm, still you might have a lot of hope that, hey, no, I'm gonna do things differently. But if you haven't seen it and lived it and experienced it, it can be really hard.
Jen:Our kids definitely see good communication happening, sometimes loud communication happening. But that's okay. But uh what's really fun for us right now, and your oldest is probably there, and yours are probably past it now. But man, when we kiss and I'm like, yes, success, success. So I I love that they get to see all of the parts, not just the good, and definitely not just the bad, but all the things that come together.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:When we just think about the thought overall of dating, and so just kind of thinking about how dating is theological insofar as the marriage between Christ and the church is the starting point for marriage, and then every human marriage is a reflection of that, not the opposite. You know, the only reason our marriages exist is because of the marriage between Christ and his church. So I can't remember which book I read it, and it was some book that was talking about dating and talking about, you know, a spouse getting to know one another and kind of comparing that with the covenant that we who are in Christ have with Jesus. And so when you think about how much you know about your spouse, you probably know more about them than anybody else on earth. But just because you know about them doesn't mean you know everything there is to know. So for example, I don't know what Elizabeth is gonna have for lunch on Friday, I don't know what she's gonna be thinking about tomorrow. So do I know her? Yes, absolutely, but my soul is caught up in the continual pursuit of man, I love her so much, I want to get to know her more. And dating is a great way that that happens. And so it is with Christ, that nobody can say, I know about Jesus, I love Jesus, and I'm just kind of content with how much I know about him now. I mean, I think about Philippians 3, that's the passage, you know, not that I have obtained this, but I I press on for the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. So Paul's saying, and if there's anybody who could say, I know enough about God, it would be Paul. And Paul's saying, Man, I don't know everything, and my soul is caught up in getting to know God more. So when we think about dating and dating our spouses, that's a key part of it is we want to continually get to know our spouse more. For Elizabeth and I right now, it's a little tough. You know, we have an 11-year-old at home and then a four-year-old at home. So we're month old. My goodness, it's time's fine. She's growing quicker. Yeah, yeah, she is, she is. So wow. So dates don't come as easy to us now, but when we are able to do it, every few months we enjoy doing it. And I would just say, kind of practically for us, we try our best to don't get on our phones at all on a date. Uh, I'm sure you guys have been out to eat. You know, you see a couple there, yes, and they're on their phone the whole time, like that's not a date. Or if the family and like there's tablets the whole time, don't think that's healthy. So when she and I go out to eat, we want that to be a chance to get to know one another more. We talk about little things, talk about big things. Just kind of having that intentional time, finding a babysitter, finding child care, whatever that looks like. And not just doing it on the big days. You know, like it's easy, like, oh, it's our anniversary. You know, we should go out for a date. Like, hey, it's a you know, this weekend, why don't we go out? Not something we would normally do. We have the kids, but let's do it this weekend.
Daniel:I love it. Great point. When I see a couple out on a date, I always think that I'm always like, this is a beautiful event taking place. Look at these people. They're loving each other, they're actively doing it, they're out there eating spaghetti at uh what's that place where everybody's family? Italian oven. Italian oven. Italian oven. Yeah, they're eating the breadsticks. Um and I love your point. And uh that was something written down was um be curious going on a date and allowing that time where it is just the two of you and you have the opportunity to do it. Because my assumption is at home you'd love for you to you're gonna have that time, but really the home has demands. And even if you wanted to at the end of the day, more than likely both of y'all are spent and hey, it's time to to rest and to come on down from that high. So yeah, I love that point, uh being curious about one another, loving each other, getting to know one another.
Jen:One thing we did when ours were young, especially, is when we went on those dates, because they were harder to schedule. When we went wherever we were going, we didn't talk about the kids.
Daniel:Oh, wow. Yeah.
Jen:It's funny because when your kids are growing and older, and so this one has this practice and this one has this doctor's appointment, and you're doing all the things that y'all are doing, especially with a baby, you focus so much on that that that's what your communication becomes. And so it is so hard to sit and not talk about those things on a date and to pursue each other. Like, well, I know this is going on, so that's what we're focused on taking care of. So that was one thing we did. We we haven't done that lately because conversation is back to kind of grown-up conversation.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I think that's great because the marriage relationship is more important than the parent-child relationship. Not to say that the parent-child relationship isn't massively important. It is, but when the institution of marriage, husband-wife, right, male, female, that goes past children. Yeah. Because one day, if and when they leave and cleave, then they will have their own union of themselves. And I'm sure you guys have seen it before. Kids grow up, kids were the only thing holding the marriage together. Kids move off, husband, wife get divorced.
Jen:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Because that's what was keeping them together, not the love they had for one another.
Jen:They don't know each other anymore.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I'm sure we could talk about, you know, you kind of mentioned the calendar. Yeah, it would be so easy for Elizabeth and I to go out to dinner and talk about, hey, we got this event, that thing, that thing. But like that's just because we're using words and it's conversation doesn't mean it's edifying. So that's that's challenging.
Jen:It's harder than you think it is.
Paul:Yeah. We didn't mind that. I've personally found it really valuable to talk about the kids when we're out together.
Jen:Really?
Paul:Yes, because I mean, well, yours are getting older, and the older they got, the more challenging they became. And so that was a great time for us to pull away and say, what do you think of this? How are we going to navigate this uh with this personality that's developing in our home? And it was not all the time by any means. And I agree with you, I know where you're coming from. It's like, no, don't build your life around only the kids. But as they got older, I found it like, hey, we needed some time to like put our heads together and pray and think what's the best way to navigate this when they start getting interested in the opposite sex and they start wanting to go on dates, they start driving, start getting jobs. Yeah, we needed to pull away and go eat dinner so we we could talk to each other.
Jen:Well, yeah, because you want to have a united front. Oh my goodness. Yeah. To them, and you're talking about those biggest changes.
Paul:And too, I you know, another way I think that marriage is so unique as opposed to like kids in your home, it's that first covenant I think that the kids see up close and personal, is these two chose each other. Now, kids don't grow up thinking that way, but they're aware. Yeah, mom and dad chose each other and they're still choosing each other. I remember, I mean, it's a weird thing because we, like I said, me and my wife don't really argue that much, and we we bicker and and and all that. But uh I can't remember if it was Rachel or which one was like at one point came to me and was like, Are you and mom like, are y'all okay? Are y'all gonna like take time apart? I'm like, no, we just are having a difficult day, you know. I mean, it's we're okay. We're we're gonna be fine. Don't worry, don't ever worry about that. Yeah. But kids are watching and they hear from their friends, and maybe one of their friends, yeah, yes, is like going, their parents are separating and going through a divorce, and so they're like, oh no, mom and dad are fighting. Oh no. But that's what it is. I mean, in a marriage, you're choosing just like in a relationship with Christ, he chooses you and you respond to him. So kids are born into the family, or in some neat scenarios, there are is adoption and foster care and things like that that are just so beautiful because it carries that context of choice also. And so, again, like you said earlier, the parent-child relationship is so very valuable. But oh man, if you don't keep that marriage as a first priority to grow together towards Christ, and that's I mean, for me, I remember in premarital counseling, it was like Pastor Dennis did it and said, You're here to the left and you're here to the right. As you grow towards Christ in the center, you're gonna get closer. It's powerful. That works, and uh, we tell our kids that all the time. I'm like, I don't know how God does what he does, but he does, and he helps me a mom somehow to get on the same page and work together. And it's like all God, because marriage is different.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and is what you shared kind of the word that popped in my mind was feelings as far as marriage is about I may not always feel something, but I'm gonna do it.
SPEAKER_04:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:As we know, kids nowadays, you know, wake up, what do I feel like eating, doing, who do I feel like hanging out with? And so there's this comfort zone where I don't want to get outside that comfort zone because I don't feel like doing it. But how many times in marriage has it been like on a given day? Like, man, like I don't feel like not saying I want to divorce, like I don't feel like being married right now. Like I feel like I want to do something else. You know, like I don't wake up every day just on fire for the Lord. And Pastor Dennis, he's talked about it a number of times. Like, I wake up, like, man, I'm sinful. I want to sleep, I don't want to go to work, I want to do what I want today, but like none of that matters. Like, what's the truthfulness? Is God loves me, he knows me, he's chosen me. Same for marriage. Like, wake up every day, choose to love one another. And that's and that's so critical.
Paul:That serving element too in marriage, right? You know, where it's like, no, I don't want to do the dishes right now, but you've had a hard day, you know, and you just kind of naturally learn to serve each other in Christ again. Without Christ, that'd be so hard. I'd be like, No, it's your turn. Yeah. And the kids see that sort of stuff, and they're watching.
Jen:Yeah, I will say that there have been dates that I'm like, I don't want to go on a date. There are too many things that need to be done around this house. And I don't want to go on it. I don't have time for this right now, but you still, even though it's gonna be a good time, isn't it? That's still a choice. So even though we're talking about dating, sometimes you don't want to do that either.
Paul:Creative dates y'all have been on that didn't cost much money. What's been with some of your favorites?
Jen:I myself like a spur of the moment dinner. I know that's not like what you're saying right now, but you can eat cheap. We share a lot of meals with that. We take Charlie to dance, and then we have an hour that she's in dance, and I have uh I've joined a choral group, if you didn't know this. So I have an hour before I have to be at practice. When Tim said like two weeks ago, Well, I'm gonna take Charlie. Why don't we just go to dinner before you have to be at practice? Okay, let's go do that. It was a great time. I know that's not that super creative, but I like those spontaneous ones too. Tim making moves. I know, right? We go a lot of dates to fall. We go a lot of football dates too. Yeah, there you go. But I will tell you the most life-changing thing so far. Well, there's two right now. Kids making their own lunches, life-changing. I don't know if Johnny makes his own lunch, but that's life-changing. He's on a Campbell's chicken in the soup, picker. There we go. Okay. Does he take that in a thermos to school?
SPEAKER_00:Yep. That's another thing.
Jen:We get ours marshals. Anyways, life-changing when kids can stay at home without a babysitter. Now, not overnight. We're not there, but that like right now, it is stressful, I'm sure, for y'all to find a babysitter, for you to get everything lined up, and then that's always when somebody gets sick. But it is life-changing. So we can do those spontaneous things. So if you're out there with little kids, there will be a moment coming soon. We're like, oh, let's just go and leave them at home. Glorious.
SPEAKER_00:Elizabeth and I met in January of 2020. So we dated during COVID. So we went to Taco Bell. That was like a lot of our first dates. Places weren't open. We went there, went back home, and enjoyed that. But having dates for occasions, more than just, you know, like Valentine's Day. So for example, she got hired at Chick-fil-A and we went to the sundial.
Jen:You're fancy.
SPEAKER_00:It was a pretty penny.
Jen:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That was a monumental moment for our family. She got hired at Chick-fil-A, been there for five years. The Lord wills, she'll be there a while. We can always think back to like, man, like we did that to celebrate your accomplishment.
Jen:Yeah. Do y'all go on anniversary of her hire date? No.
SPEAKER_00:We go on our anniversary dates, like we did Enzo at Trilleth a few years ago. Like that's kind of place where we're gonna do it every once in a while. Yeah. Like having backsense, pretty expensive. Really good. I had lamb lasagna. Really good. But yeah, whenever we go on vacation, yeah, like try to find a place. Yeah, you know.
Jen:Yeah, we do that when we go on vacation. We leave the kids one night. No, not in a hotel room. This is like if we're on vacation with family. And we go on a date. We usually do a breakfast date in Maine. I thought of a creative thing. Uh when I was teaching, Tim left a student or another teacher with a card and a flower every class period. And they brought it to me every class period. Each card had a puzzle piece in it. And so by the end of the day, I had a puzzle.
SPEAKER_00:It's awesome. Yeah.
Paul:Don't forget to eat your oval teen or drink your oval teen. Yeah. Man, yeah. I mean, it reminds me that details do matter and attention and care. It doesn't have to be expensive, but man, creativity or a little bit of care goes a long way. And I I really appreciated like when Jaden was starting to pursue his now wife, he was talking to Mandy, my wife, a lot about, you know, well, like dating and stuff and special things. And so she texted him this list of things that mean a lot to girls or to her. Right. And so I'm like, send me that. And I still have it printed out. I got that text, printed out, and looked at it like, man. And then none of them were expensive. None of them were like really that hard. It's just the small things, you know, of occasionally writing a note or occasionally thinking of this. Or I'm like, man, I gotta, you know, so I keep that with me and try to do it.
Jen:Tim will put a lunchbox note in my lookbook. Dim. He's good at stuff like that. Um he doesn't send flowers enough though.
Paul:Take note. Wow. He's got a few days, too. I'm just like something that surprised me was sometimes going through hard things with each other allows for some sweet time. When we were dealing with uh loss of parents and that sort of stuff, and having to go constantly and work on houses to do repairs and get them ready to sell, and we're like, oh, we're traveling in the car with each other all the time. And it could have been a really stressful period, but I'm like, man, we got this 30 minutes with each other that we have no choice but to just talk, and it was really nice. And I found that like even with the kids, when the kids would be sick or something, and we're having to take them back and forth to the doctor, and just I don't know, it's something about having that person that has your back in these hard moments, yeah, that it almost becomes like this special date time. I don't know.
Jen:It does, yeah. I think now like we've been married a while, we have a 14, almost 15 year old, and I think we're just now figuring some things out with what works for us and how like I said, you have to choose to go on the date sometimes, and that's not really the choice you want. Like, I think he has also seen, I'm speaking for him, but I've seen evidence of this that he realizes if the dishes haven't been done or if there is Laundry that needs to be put away or whatever you know the physical things are that need to be done. He's very, very good at helping with those kind of just chores around the house because then that does free me up. Like, I don't want to go on a date with you because I have all of these things to do. Well, let me help you with those things. And he doesn't ask, like, what do I need to do? He just sees that the laundry needs to be put away. He puts the laundry away. So those kind of things now I mean, like, why don't you just know those things when you first get married? But you don't.
SPEAKER_00:Telekinesis.
Jen:Right. He doesn't know that that's what's going to frustrate me and make me feel like I don't have time to spend on our marriage. And so I think that's a very valuable, I don't want to say give and take. It's not that, but it's putting the other needs above your own.
Paul:Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. And we did that for a lot of years and still do. It's almost become kind of natural now for us, which is nice. And now I'm experiencing something new where we're really starting to help each other in ways that I'm like, oh, this is great, man. Like, hey, let's go for a walk. I'm tired. I don't just let me, oh come on, let's go. We just ate. We need to go walk. Okay, let's go walk. You know, so that like our health, our spiritual habits, our approach to schedules and all sorts of things. I'm like, wow, we are getting to know each other better and better and better, and through the Lord, right? Starting to serve each other in a new way, which is like, oh, I love this. And I saw that and still see it in my parents. They've been like, I think they're on like 62, something, 63 years of marriage, and they're they're aging now to where, hey, they are struggling to hear, and even with mobility and all these things that will come for all of us if we live long enough. And yet it's so beautiful to see how they help each other. It's like, wow, you need that helpmate that God's peace blessed you with a helpmate, uh, work towards that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and all that the you shared kind of the word that comes to mind is busyness.
Jen:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:It's like going on a walk slows things down because I was thinking about that. Like, what does it do to go on a date? Is it simply slows life down. Yep. And I think that a lot of times the analogy that I use is you picture a hamster running on a wheel and like it's starting to run so fast that it's just losing control and it's just spinning out of control. Like sometimes I feel like my life is like that because there's so many things going on and trying to balance schedules and work and marriage and kids, and then like our own spiritual health. So going on a date, just kind of slow down, take a breath, enjoy what God has made, enjoy the person sitting in front of you or sitting across from you. Uh, or if you're you guys aren't one of those couples that sits that same question.
Jen:Yeah, because it could be fighters. I think people do that.
SPEAKER_00:I'm like, no, I'll just server for five years, so I saw that plenty of times. Yeah. If you do that, that's okay. We don't know. Sometimes I'll do with her, and then she'll always say, like, why are you sitting next to me?
Jen:That's what I would do. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh. But yeah, just like slowing things down. Yeah. Yeah. And there's so much value to that. Just enjoying what God has made, enjoying marriage. Just because the pace of life seems fast doesn't mean we have to be driven by that. We don't have to have our lives, our marriage dictated by what the culture would say. Slow down, take a deep breath of walk is a great breath of fresh air. So many times for me, just getting outside, going on a walk. It's like, man, like that that gives a lot of perspective.
Daniel:Well, real quick, I mean, Jennifer mentioned it earlier in the podcast how there were times when she didn't want to go on a date. What happened on those dates? Did you end up enjoying the date and not kind of the thoughts and the busyness that was slows you?
Jen:That's exactly what happens, is it slows you down and it's almost uh your perspective changes then. It's not the to-do list that has to be checked off. It's relational again.
Daniel:As you reconnect, yeah, yeah, on the date, and your mind kind of resets and it's true.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know about you guys, but a lot of times on dates, that's when we kind of talk more big picture things. Yeah. Because in the day-to-day, we're not talking about like, hey, what what's a vacation you'd want to go on?
Jen:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Whereas because like we've got one plan later this year in September, hopefully it works. But that's the time to like, hey, let's talk about not just the things that are happening in the here and now, but like, what do we want our marriage to be? Yeah. How are you doing spiritually, mentally, emotionally? Kind of just getting the big picture of it.
Jen:And I think that those are the times we talk about the kids more. I really want to take my kids to Disney before Parker graduates. He's a sophomore and a half. Wow.
unknown:Right?
Jen:And like he'll say something at home, and I'm like, dude, you've got two more years here. Just deal with sharing a room with your brother. Yeah. But like that's the time to talk about, yeah, I'm not gonna put him on the street.
SPEAKER_00:I know it's you live with Daniel.
Jen:Yeah, he can come, he knows for your house. He can pay rent.
SPEAKER_00:Sweet. Yeah.
Jen:Yeah. And like when we're talking about that, then what else do I want to pour into if we're using this example, Parker, because I only have two more years with him every day. So, or like Valentine's Day. This is our Valentine's as a family. He'll be 15 next year, which probably means he's not gonna want to spend Valentine's Day with his family. There may be a girlfriend. She can come, she can come hang out with us because this is what we do. But you know, like those unless her family has their traditions. No. I'm just kidding. Make it just more fun. Yeah. Our treats will be better. No. Like those big picture things that you get to discuss away from the kids. Yeah. So I like that. The vacation one, especially. That seems to be a big topic that we talk about on dates.
Daniel:Do y'all have any uh like rhythms or like I knew one couple, a married couple, they went every Friday night, they did a day night. They went and saw a movie. Of course, this was back when movies were like coming out all the time.
SPEAKER_00:So So we usually always Elizabeth and I go to lunch on Fridays because she works from home on Fridays. I don't work on Fridays.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, that's good.
SPEAKER_00:And we try to switch it up, go to different places. And even if it's I go pick some up, bring it home if that works better. But yeah, Friday lunch is what we try to do.
Daniel:That's like a staple. Yeah. It's good. I like that, that consistency, knowing it's gonna be there. And I know y'all gotta fight to get that every yeah, Friday. I had one other question. This is kind of random, but I was just curious, especially since James has Lydia, four-month-old, but uh the first date after a newborn, especially if it was your first child, what was that like in trusting maybe someone to babysit and then also uh just making the commitment to separate from your child? Was that difficult?
Jen:Yes, I remember.
Daniel:Tell us, yeah.
Jen:Charlie wouldn't take a bottle and we went to the melting pot. I love the melting pot. So that's like our big, you know, place to I love America, right? Indeed. Indeed. Um, so we went to the melting pot with some friends, and Charlie didn't drink the bottle, and they poured it out.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, the babysitter didn't? It was my parents. Oh give her some two percent.
Jen:She wouldn't take anything, and so she was born in August, and this would have been October. And I remember this is a good example of marriage too. I got upset with my mom. I was probably still a little emotional, you know, because she's itty bitty. And my dad told me right then that I was not gonna speak to my mother that way, that they had kept these children, and so as a husband, that was a big lesson that I saw there too from my parents.
SPEAKER_00:It was a rough. Did even win a date early?
Jen:No. They let her cry, they didn't call us early. Wow, she was fine, she was still chill, they could get her to sleep, but she was not gonna drink the bottle. So I do specifically remember that moment. But the other the boys I don't remember, they were a little more chill. That red hair, it's always come through strong. That's my memory of that first date. Yeah.
Daniel:Yeah, I was just curious because we're we're sharing a lot of practical tips and ideas. And and then I know some people who are listening to this are probably maybe first-time parents, and they're like, Well, how do you do that thing? And it's I think it's already been said earlier, you don't know a thing until it's told to you or shown to you, and so it's like, How did you do that? Especially if you don't have family nearby and people you really trust. I don't know, just a curious thought. Any more uh profound insights?
Jen:Does Lydia go with y'all on Friday to lunch?
SPEAKER_00:I'm like, oh yeah, like yeah, we can get a baby sleeper. I mean, my mom lives hour 15 away, my parents. Uh her mom and stepdad live a little under three hours away at Birmingham. So they've been here and watched her, but I think she always has come with us just because she's so young. So yeah.
Daniel:Any other thoughts, insights on this topic? Dating? It's a big one.
Jen:I just that thing of not wanting to go, but going anyway. But now Tim realizing let's get these things done before we go, that's just been a big deal because my love language is acts of service. So he can leave me all the notes and I love them. But if the dishes haven't been put away, that's all I see is dishes on the counter. So knowing your spouse, it's a big deal when you can see those things.
Paul:So, Tim, clean the dishes, plan the melting pot, bring some flowers, and talk about Disney. Okay, Disney trip. Perfect day. We'll help you out, brother.
Jen:He's good.
Paul:He's he is we have grown so much.
Jen:Like the past year, I think, has been I actually it's not even the whole year, the past few months. We're in a good stage right now. It's very good.
SPEAKER_00:Awesome. My last thought would just be enjoy marriage. Yeah, yes. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed. And dating is a way to do that. Not the only way, but a way to just slow things down, get out of the regular busyness of life and show intentionality.
Daniel:That's it, man. I mean, truly. You know, keeping the first things first, uh, primary things. And so great discussion on dating and marriage. And I hopefully this has been encouraging everyone listening in. If you got any questions, thoughts, and you want to contribute to the conversation, we'll talk about it. We'll read them. To reach out to us at 629-888-3056. You can leave a voicemail or a text, or you can email us at anchored at harpscrossing.com. As always, we wish one thank you for joining us and listening in, and stay anchored.
