CHORES: Discipleship - Responsibility - Servant Heart

Chores at home can feel like the least spiritual part of our week, but they might be one of the clearest mirrors for what is in our hearts. For our children, doing chores is a very practical way for them to learn to serve at home and in church. See it as a teaching opportunity in discipling your children.  Don't let chores become a battleground or drudgery. Consider serving at home as an important lesson for raising our children to have a servant heart as adults.

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Transcript

Welcome And Holy Week Setup

Jen 0:08

All right, well, hello and welcome back to the Anchored Family Ministry Podcast. Here we are three dedicated staff members helping families navigate what it looks like to build disciples at home. I'm Jennifer. Daniel's not with us today, so I'm in the new seat today for a little bit. I didn't really know how to turn down the intro. So I'm pretty pumped up that that worked out. And I am here with Paul Allen and James Spencer. How are y'all today?

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Doing good. Yeah.

Jen 0:38

Yeah. We're here in our busy season, I guess. You might, it's really not the busiest of seasons, but not as busy for me.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

D now's over.

Jen 0:46

Yeah, D now's over. You're not quite December camp yet. But this Sunday, I was telling somebody earlier, because it's resurrection Sunday, right? We're holy week right now as we're recording. I said, this is like the Super Bowl for churches.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

It is.

Jen 1:01

Yeah, it's exciting to think about all that this means for here in our church body and an extra service on Friday and visitors and getting to see faces that we may not see and just really reach people about the importance. So what's going on with y'all?

Paul 1:16

It's going great. So we missed Daniel. You did great by the way. It's your second you did this last time. I did do this. Yeah, I did. But you're getting better each time.

Jen 1:24

Back in the day, this is what we did. That's right. We sat around a little table. I forgot about all that. Wow.

Paul 1:31

I love this time of year, uh spring when I get outside, get doing some work. Thankfully, allergies are staying under wraps. Not too bad.

Jen 1:40

What about you, James?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Yeah, it definitely feels like March and April is kind of the time that everybody emerges from their homes after the hibernation. So kind of same thing. I've been getting ready for this week. You know, we have a devotional that is called Be Thou My Vision. That's a 31-day devotional. That there is also one for Lent and then one for Advent. And so the Advent one is called O Sacred Head Now Wounded. And it's, I think it's a around 40 something days. Kind of lines up from Ash Wednesday to Easter. So working through that.

Jen 2:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

A lot of times I like to think, what were the disciples doing now? What was Jesus doing? Obviously, tomorrow's Maundy, Thursday, and then Good Friday. So just uh getting ready for kickoff.

Jen 2:26

Paul gave me a sheet that has like a timeline of this week. And, you know, we talk about it and we talk about Easter and all of these things throughout the year. But then when you're really looking at the timeline and what was happening at this moment and how quickly things went from Thursday to Friday. I mean, so much happened just in a 24-hour period. So life-changing stuff.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

He entered Jerusalem and they wanted to crown him king, and then a few days later they wanted to kill him. Yeah.

Why Chores Matter Spiritually

Paul 2:54

I mean, that definitely is a segue into our topic today because you think of the Son of Man, God's son coming to serve, not to be served, to give his life as a ransom for many. And we see it through his life. And I was thinking about this yesterday. Like, if it were anybody else who said, I'm coming back from the dead, I want a huge crowd there, right? Get everybody there. You know, if we had some magician that was saying, I'm gonna do this crazy thing, the whole world would have the cameras on him. But at the tomb that morning, angels, as far as we know, right? Angels, and then comes along some ladies, and then eventually some other disciples. But it was just such a way of not being man's way, God's way. So much to think about, such a beautiful week. And so maybe it's because it's spring and we are doing lots more chores right now, or I can't remember where this idea came from, but I thought, let's talk about chores. That's not a fun word to say, even, right? When you have a family and you're even when you're married, brings back memories. Yeah, yeah. If you're single, I kind of wish Daniel could have been here because I wanted to ask him, like, as a single guy, you know, how how do chores work for you? I think he has a roommate and stuff like that. But still, when you get married, chores can be a real deal breaker or deal maker. When you have kids, it gets even more interesting. And within that whole conversation comes the idea of eventually ultimately serving each other in the way you do these chores and tasks at home.

Jesus Models Servant-Hearted Living

SPEAKER_00 4:25

So yeah, let's talk about it. When we think about chores and serving, there's a few texts that we could go to. I primarily think of Mark 1045, which is one of the theme verses, maybe the theme verse for the gospel of Mark, but it's Jesus says that the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, to give his life as a ransom for many. And then Jesus talks about at the end of our lives, Lord willing, you know, if we say faithful, well done, my good and faithful servant. And there's so many things that we can substitute into that instead. Good things. You know, well done, my good and faithful pastor, brother, friend, worker. Well done, my good and faithful servant. And kind of when I think about service, sometimes I use this when I preach as an illustration. But when I worked at Red Lobster, we had a general manager. So we had her and then a few managers under her. You know, she ran the ship and did a great job. Miss A did a really good job. And she always had a lot going on. So sometimes I would, and I think maybe I've used this in here, but sometimes I'd see her and then it'd be like a busy Friday night, and then she'd be wiping down a table to get it ready for the next people to sit down. And whenever I saw her do that, I'd usually take the rag from her and then I would clean it because I was a server and she was the manager. But just thinking of all the things that she could have done, she could have told somebody, hey, do you mind like politely, like, hey, do you mind cleaning this table for me? Hey, for sure. But just for her taking the initiative to do it really meant a lot. And it was easy to work under her, seeing how she did that. And so the same with Jesus. You know, when we see just the ways that he served, I think it's easy for us to in turn serve. Yeah. Now, for us in our home, what it looks like, you know, it's a it's a work in progress. I'm sure it's like that in all of our homes. But just communication, you know, I think it's important, just like my manager, she didn't think too much of herself that she couldn't do chores, just showing our children, hey, like I'm not too big that I can't do it. Showing them what it looks like to serve, just so that we will be able to be trusted in doing that. So it's all about getting them involved, making them do things they don't want to do, making them do things that they don't think they can do. I know with our son a lot of times, you know, in the morning he gets up and he he does his lunch and we're getting ready, we're getting the house ready, getting ready to go to work. So that's something that he does that it took him some time to kind of get used to, hey, I gotta get this and then open that and all that goes into it. But now he's kind of taking ownership over it and he loves him.

Paul 7:02

Yeah, I think so much of serving, it's really tied to knowing the purpose behind why you're serving. Because if you're just doing it to do it, eventually you get bitter or angry that others aren't doing it, or why do I have to do this? Or if you're doing it to impress others and they happen not to recognize it, hence the early part of marriage. Like for me, I remember that you know, I was like trying to compete almost to say, look, I'm a good husband because I did these things, but you didn't even recognize it, you know, and so I was doing it for the completely wrong reason, and so it just got more frustrating. So beginning to teach ourselves as a married couple and then eventually your kids the purpose to serving and the reason behind it goes a long way. I think like your manager is a great example because she could have easily been angry about that, or she probably realized I need to do this quick because we're gonna get backed up. I see the big picture, no problem, I'll go do that. That's not below me. She probably had the bigger picture in her mind versus wait, this is not my job. I'm not paid to do that. And so our kids, I think, you know, some of the things within our home, we tried to make it clear to them about stewardship. That's a wonderful biblical principle to teach your kids that, hey, if we let our dishes just sit in the sink forever, eventually bugs are going to come in. If bugs come in, eventually other things are going to go wrong. But you know, there's just reasons we steward and take care of the things that God's given us. So if we begin teaching stewardship, it gives a little bit more power behind why we're asking you to do these chores.

Jen 8:35

Yeah, I think both of y'all kind of hit on something. I was thinking as we do chores, you have to be taught how to do some things. Your son had to be taught things that need to be in his lunch. But Jesus taught us how to serve others. Like my kids, one of them is excellent at cleaning their room. This one wants a clean room all the time, but shares a room with his brother who's not excellent at cleaning his room. And so I have had to, okay, first thing we're gonna go in and we're gonna take a trash bag in. So let's just get the trash, things that are broken, things that don't belong here. Let's put them where they go. And then from there, you know, you have a toy box. If it doesn't fit in the toy box, guess what? Like if you're putting one in, you gotta take one out. So everything fits and the lid can still go on. So it's important to teach our kids just like we were taught how to serve others. And then you said he has ownership of his lunch. Ownership's a huge thing. I think servanthood gives you ownership of whatever it is. If you're teaching Sunday school and you know that you're responsible for whatever craft it is on your Sunday, you have ownership of that. It's your class, it's important that you have a craft that the kids are gonna like, you know, whatever it is, that's an important thing. And so that ownership, I think, whether it's fixing a lunch, teaching a Sunday school class, cleaning the toilet, like whatever it is, that you have ownership of that.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Yeah.

Jen 9:55

And that goes back to the reason behind it, I think.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Responsibility. Yeah, that's that's a key word with ownership. You know, one thing that we say is I'll ask Johnny to clean something up and then he'll say, Well, I didn't do it, which is well, like I clean up after you all the time. I don't care who did it, it needs to get cleaned up, which that goes right in with servitude because Jesus, the way that he served, was well, he didn't sin. Right. He's not the one that committed the sin to go to the cross. He's not the one that deserved what he got, but he got what we justly deserved. And so servanthood is all about humility and laying ourselves down.

Paul 10:32

I'll pick not really because she's been cooking dinners for a long time. I mean, the kids are in their 20s now, so at least 20 something years of making meals for kids and family before that for me. And so she's kind of tired of it. You know, she's like, I'm tired of making dinner and figuring out what people want. Yes. She'll keep doing it, she'll just keep on doing it and serving in that capacity. But I realized, hmm, maybe I could and I enjoy cooking occasionally, but I'm like, I need to be a little bit more proactive in helping her. So that's one way we're trying to balance out some chores, but that's after 28 years of marriage. I'm like, oh, I'm just getting a clue. How have y'all managed, or maybe go back to the beginning? Like, how was that kind of tit for tat? Or did you share? Were you able to say, okay, you do laundry, I'll do dishes?

SPEAKER_00 11:26

So Elizabeth and I have to communicate because we have different values on kind of what constitutes chores. So like I do work outside, pressure washing, blowing off the front porch, back porch, especially right now during pollen season. You know, we got a nice, beautiful front porch and got to get it blown off and whatever it may be in the yard, watering the yard. So I'll do that. I think like, oh, okay, like I did something. But it's like that's not what she necessarily wants, like she's thankful for, but that's not what she wanted to get done. So communicating for what actually constitutes chores. I think it's you know the same with kids. It's like it's easy for a kid to to do something, think, hey, I I did something. When it's like, yeah, you you may have done something, but maybe you just like got straight the mess that you created.

Jen 12:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

So you don't really get credit for that. So yeah, communicating for what constitutes valuable chores and not just for the sake of busy work.

Jen 12:18

Yeah, I think we did at first uh Tim does dishes, he does all the dishes. I mean all the dishes. He washes the hand wash stuff, he loads and unloads the dishwasher. Now I think we have kids and he should be using these kids. So when he's out of town, it's the children doing the dishes. I'll do the hand wash, but they do everything else. But he does dishes. I mean, he is faithful to the dishes. So at the beginning, he didn't like cleaning toilets and I didn't like washing dishes. I mean, we set that like within the first month of marriage. But I do think communication goes a long way because sometimes the chore that I need help with isn't the visible product. So you're talking about making dinner. I don't mind making dinner. I don't love it. I'm not a chef, it's not my favorite. Now, there are some things I enjoy making, but in general, no. But I have to make the grocery list, I have to make the click list. I hate that, but I'm the one who's aware of what we have and what we don't. And so to me, the bigger act of service, which happens to be my number one love language, would be someone getting the groceries. I mean, like completely. Go through the process. Don't ask me, well, what do we need? Well, if if you have to ask what we need, I'm just gonna make the list. You know what I mean? So I think servanthood sometimes is those things that aren't necessarily the visible outcome, but it's the behind the scenes thing. So with chores, I think it communication, like you said, James, is really what it comes down to. Because I I don't mind doing the grocery list, but it would be so great sometimes if I did.

Paul 13:46

Would it help you? Because it doesn't sound like anybody's gonna be able to do it. But does it help you when you're affirmed in that? When people say thank you for doing that, or you get recognition. Okay. So that's a part of communication that goes a long way. Because I'm thinking about like a team, husband and wife trying to be a team and realizing our skills lay in different areas. And so I might could do that, but I'm not gonna do it good anyway. So why don't you keep on doing it? But can I encourage you more?

Jen 14:12

That may be part of it. Yeah, I'm like I made dinner last night, Tim cleaned up dinner, and Tim said, Why? Because you don't have to clean. I said, That's exactly why. So he cleaned up every he and the kids put everything away.

Paul 14:24

That's what I've noticed. Like if Mandy does, when she does cook, I'm like, I'll clean up. Perfect. I can do that much at least.

Jen 14:29

Yeah. I think that's great.

Paul 14:31

But yeah, communication, I think, is key. I mean, we're talking about adults doing this, you know, husband and wife who should love each other, who should want to serve each other on an ongoing basis. Hopefully, we model that for our kids. They see that. I think it's good to see a dad serving his wife and vice versa, and showing respect mutually to one another and love that way. But when it comes to kids, that's a little tougher because just because they're not good at something, we're probably not going to let them off the hook too much. You know, it's like, I'm sorry, I know you don't naturally think clean rooms matter, but you've got to do it. So there's another way that chores can be real helpful in teaching just to simply respect authority and do what you're asked.

Jen 15:09

Yeah, I think it's easy to let them do the things that maybe they could help with. We had breakfast for dinner last night and Tegan wanted to help me make the muffins. Well, we get the kind of muffin mix where you just add milk. Tegan can help with that. He's great at that. He loves to lick the bowl afterwards. Like it's great. It works. But then he said, Can I crack the eggs? I said, I can handle that. And he said, But I want to help you. Oh, okay, I want your help. I knew that was probably gonna be a mess. We're probably gonna have to dig some eggshells out of things. But in that, he cracked the eggs. He did a great job. And by the end, he figured out what worked for him. We got all the eggshells out. The eggs were delicious. So it was great because he learned in that, and I learned that he's capable of doing things. I mean, he's nine, of course, he's capable of cracking the egg, but he wants to be able to help make dinner. So that was a great thing for both of us.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Like, if we only gave you the chores of things you could do, then you wouldn't grow in that. Sometimes we tell Johnny, like, the way that you can help us is watch us do it. Yes. And just observe as we do it.

Jen 16:12

That's great.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

But also letting them fail in that. So Johnny and I play settlers of Catan a lot. It's a three or four player game, but we just play two, and it gets really intense. A lot of it on my end. We played yesterday, and then Elizabeth told me at the end that he had cleaned his room. And so I kind of felt bad. You know, he probably should have known definitely my responsibility too. So, like making sure chores have a good order of the day, especially when you get home from school. And there's only so much time between when you get home from school and that's like, all right, homework, dinner, getting ready for bed, family devotion, something to that extent. So making sure that chores have their place as far as you want to have chores, but you also want to have fun. If you have chores and no fun or fun and no chores, they're both go the wrong way. But something we're learning is proper order behind it.

Chores Build Work Ethic For Life

Jen 17:00

Yeah, we like to make lunches in the evening for the next day. That's why. And so that's really helped. And the kids know we still wake them up. They don't use an alarm clock. It's just easier for all of us that way. But if you didn't make your lunch the night before, you have to get up earlier. And so we will wake you up earlier to help you in this. So that order is important. It is.

Paul 17:22

You're teaching so much that's going to be valuable for their entire life, obviously, because what is work but serving others or serving a company? And so as you learn to do that at home, that's where I think it's so valuable, like you're talking about order, to at different ages and stages for your family, work towards more order and more incentive or purpose behind the chores. You can start to teach more about stewardship. You can even start to offer some compensation or different ways of sharing the load and talking about it. I think when we would have devotion as a family around the table and talk about this sort of stuff, maybe not every night as far as the chores, but at least once or twice a week talking about it and going over, it helps prepare them to be in a work environment or to be, you know, even in school, to work together with other people, to share a task, to serve somebody even if they don't want to.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

And that of course carries into adulthood. Yeah, the Bible definitely talks in the pastoral epistles, first and second Timothy and Titus about what a good elder looks like. It doesn't say, you know, charismatic. It doesn't say like everybody flocks to him, it doesn't say life of the party. It says a one-woman man, you know, husband of one wife, good with his kids, able to faithfully lead his household. So there's definitely a good principle in that. Our home is like a little society, honestly. If you learn to be a faithful father, then when you go out into society and you have people that work for you, not to say that, you know, kids work for you, but when you're a child and you learn under a faithful mother and father, then when you go to school, you learn to respect and obey your teacher and then your friends at church, on and on and on. So yeah, there's so much that it's kind of the linchpin for the rest of society.

Paul 19:02

If you're a coach and there's a kid on your team that's wanting to help beyond what he's being asked, that's gonna stick out to you. Even in sports, it makes a difference. In school, it makes a difference in work it will. When I think of military and Marine Corps boot camp, that's the main thing that stands out to me is we learned how to do chores really well as a team when you're told, how you're told, and not to question it and just get it done. And it helped build a lot of discipline and work ethic that pays off down the road.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Yeah. People value that. You know, when you learn to trust somebody who's telling you to do chores, that'll help you in your walk with God. Uh, if you remember the the sound of music, uh no, sorry, wiz wizard of oz. So Johnny, a lot of times he'll ask me why he has to do something, and I say, because. Because why? And then I say, because, because, because, because, because. So you can use that next time. Good. I like it. I like it. Yeah. Trust me in it.

Jen 19:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

I'm not perfect, but you can trust me that I'll lead faithfully.

Jen 19:59

I think with all of this, like you want them to stand out for serving others. Like, I want to be not the best player on a team, but I want to be noticed as the one who's helping the team the most. And I think in, you know, in work, in school, it's not because I'm just so smart, it's because I'm willing to work at whatever. I'm willing to work with this team. And Tim works with golf carts and uh I know nothing about golf carts. But sometimes there are things that Tim doesn't know about golf carts. But what he's willing to tell the golf course where he's working is I don't know this answer, but I'm willing to get back with you. And so it's the outside, again, is that not necessarily the thing that's happening right there in front of you, but let me help you out with this, let me find out. And so I think that that work ethic going above and beyond, doing the extra mile, standing out. Not as a prideful, I'm standing out because I'm so good at this, but because I want to help you so much with this.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Yeah.

Jen 20:54

That's a big deal.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

It's definitely easier to follow leaders when they're servant-hearted. You know, we all lead organizations. When I think about our pastor Dennis, yeah, it's like he's such a great leader because he's so servant-hearted. He doesn't think about himself higher than the rest of us, but he's able to get down and do the dirty work, which makes it more trusting of him for hey, I can trust what he says.

Jen 21:15

Yeah.

Paul 21:16

Yeah, I just can't help but picture Jesus washing the disciples' feet and then saying, What are you doing? He could have done the because, because, because thing. But he did kind of say, look, you don't get it now, but later on you will. And sure enough, that's what he calls us to as disciples is to serve others, to give our lives, to go and make disciples. And so if we're teaching our kids that, man, what a spiritual gift to them to help them learn the value of not just doing your chores, but learning to serve others.

Learning To Receive Service

Jen 21:50

Yeah, I think sometimes the flip side of that is when we don't allow others to serve, we are taking that blessing from them. Last night with Tegan, I could Have said nobody, I've got the eggs, but now he's learned, he's got some confidence in cooking. If you're just I I've got it, it's all right, I'll handle it. We are taking that opportunity for learning, for serving, for all of these blessings away from people, our kids or others.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

And I'm sure we can think of folks, and I was so prideful that I didn't want to be served. I didn't want people to do something for me. Oh, I can do it. And so that's a big part about serving is letting others serve you. I think it's John 13, 14, where Jesus says, if I, your master, have washed your feet, then you also ought to wash one another's feet. So it's that thought of I've received foot washing, so I should do it to others.

Paul 22:42

Yeah, we could go on and continue to talk about our own personal experiences, but be encouraged. Don't let chores just become a battleground or a drudgery that you have to do, but try to see it as such a teaching opportunity. And day to day it is the drudgery in a sense of saying, let's do this, let's do this. But in your devotional time as you're seeking how can I disciple my kids, consider chores and serving and stewardship and the bigger picture. Bring Jesus into it and talk about his servant heart. And he's the greatest there ever was, ever will be.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Yeah. And there is so much beauty in just the ordinary things of life, just the day-to-day faithfulness, like you said, drudgery, mundane. Yeah. You know, like it's in those moments that God makes us to look more like him as we seek obedience to Christ. And so yeah, don't take that for granted. Think like, what is the Lord teaching me through these chores? It's teaching me to obey him, to be more like him in some form or fashion. It really does.

Paul 23:45

We talk before the podcast a lot of times, like, okay, what's the main issue here? The main issue here is that people don't like to serve. It goes against the grain of who we are as humans. We're selfish by sinful nature, right? As new creations, we're learning to be selfless and to serve. And so chores gets right down to the dirty part of us that we want to take care of ourselves. I want to take a nap. I want to play video games. I want to watch a show. I don't want to go, wait, no. And like you're saying, in the mundane little things on a Tuesday night, uh, hey, I'm gonna go clean up a little bit of this stuff so my wife doesn't have to, or you know, serve somebody else. Wow. That's what is uniquely cool about a lot of Christians is their desire to go help people that they don't even hardly have a relationship with, or to care for somebody uh who's in prison or orphan or whatever it may be.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

That's historically what the church has been. I mean, the earliest hospitals built by Christians and throughout the years, money given to the poor, and we could say on and on and on. And yeah, I was thinking about Mark VIII as you were sharing, and if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. So that's the servanthood is a central beginning of a f of a life with Christ because it's denial of oneself.

Jen 25:03

This is a lot as parent. There's some very practical things here, but in all of this, I think the important thing is pointing to Jesus. Like it's not just sometimes it is because I said so, but that authority is because we know the authority in our life. And so in all of this, there are opportunities as parents that we can point back to the Lord and how Jesus was sent to serve us ultimately with his life. So we hope that you have gotten something out of this and that you're not too busy doing chores, that you're letting everybody help around the house. But if you are, you might as well turn on a good podcast. Maybe they're doing chores and listening. I mean, definitely I think it's a great plan. Uh, but we would love to hear from you too. You can always give us a call. Paul, can you tell us that number?

SPEAKER_02 25:45

6298 3056.

Jen 25:48

Yeah, and you can email us anytime at anchored at harpschossing.com. We'd love to hear from you. Until next time, stay anchored.