Staying Connected with your Preteen and Teen

Let's talk about why the preteen and teen years change the relational rules at home and how we keep discipling instead of backing off. We share practical ways to stay connected, speak identity-shaping truth, and build trust when friends, tech, and emotions start taking up more space.
• noticing the preteen gap and adjusting how we connect
• understanding teen self-awareness and the fear of embarrassment
• resisting the myth that teens are basically adults
• using the gospel to break status and comparison
• creating shared time that invites real conversations
• tag teaming as parents when personalities clash
• reframing teen experiences so they do not become false identity
• modeling faith at home because they are always watching
• checking phones wisely while also looking for good fruit
• using letters or journals when talking is hard
• saying “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” often and creatively.

Call us at the Anchored Family Ministry Podcast at 629-888-3056 or email us at anchored@harpscrossing.com

Transcript

Daniel 0:08

Let's go! Round two.

Welcome Back And Why Round Two

Daniel 0:12

Welcome to the Anchored Family Ministry Podcast. I said round two because uh we didn't record the first five minutes, but we're back in it here. We are four dedicated staff members helping you navigate what it looks like to disciple your kids at home. And today I got with me myself, Daniel Noondorfer, James Spencer, Jennifer Dooley, Paul Allen. I fell asleep at the wheel and didn't hit record, but we're we're here, man. We're here. So uh yeah, we're doing it again. Hopefully, all of y'all are doing great at home. We're having a good time here. I'm gonna recap what I learned. We're all October birthdays, but Jennifer received a new watch that is ticking. Yeah. Okay. It's very loud. It's loud. I don't hear it. We don't hear it. We put it up to the mic and we didn't hear it, but um just in case you do are hearing it at home, don't worry. Yeah. There's no bombs under your bed or whatever.

Jen 1:05

You're safe.

Daniel 1:05

Yeah, we're safe.

Jen 1:06

So it's just time ticking by.

Daniel 1:08

Time ticking by. Yes, yes, yes. So it's uh good to be with you guys again. Love doing the podcast. And here we

The Preteen Gap And Staying Engaged

Daniel 1:18

are. Today we're gonna be talking about the art of connecting with teens in family discipleship. We're gonna jump right in, talking about the preteen gap. You're gonna be discipling your kids throughout their entire lives, and that's what we're talking about. Just not taking your foot off the gas once you reach teenage hood and even on up into adulthood. How do we do that? How do we keep moving forward, keep things going?

Paul 1:40

Daniel, that five minutes was golden, man. I don't know where ever we get that back.

Daniel 1:45

We just passed the two-minute mark, and I was like, man, I wish I could trade it in for that other five.

Paul 1:49

That was amazing. We'll recreate some of it. So what we said, like you know, the whole time ticking by thing with the watch, it made me think, yes, of being a parent with your kids. This, of course, is not just for parents only, this is for anybody working with that age group, trying to build disciples as kids get into the tween and teen and beyond years. They're wonderful little children that God gives you, and they're so somewhat compliant, no doubt,

When Jokes Stop Landing

Paul 2:20

is hard at every stage. But, you know, like for me, I'll go with the girl thing because I've got two girls and one boy, and I just remember like how these girls were just uh I hung the stars and the moon to them, and and I could joke with them, be silly, just crack them up. And then all of a sudden one day, I don't know what age exactly it was, but probably around 13, maybe even before then, when I made a joke and they looked at me a little differently. I'm like, hey, that was pretty good, wasn't it? And yeah, dad. And I'm like, okay, is this happening? And sure enough, I tested it like one or two more times, and it got quickly worse to the point where I'm like, oh, okay. And I embarrassed them once or twice. And kids are different. Some of them handled it better, but there were, you know, like with my own kids, even with working in the in the youth group, I realized pretty quickly, like, okay, yeah, they're past the point of being able to even joke about this. I've got to start treating them differently, which is weird. Feels almost wrong. Like, no, this is my kid. You're gonna do what I say you're supposed to do. But there's this weird awareness that comes when they hit this age, and it's natural. I say it's weird, but it's natural. We went through it as kids where all of a sudden your view of the world starts to really kind of shift to, oh no, what do other people think about me? Who am I? What family am I from? Am I normal? Are my parents normal? I mean, all these weird questions flying through your head all the time. And for us, probably as parents, we forgot that as quick as we could about ourselves. Like, I don't want to remember what that was like. It was tough. But no, it comes quickly for us. So, yeah, we're gonna talk about that something.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Yeah.

Paul 4:02

How we stay connected, how we don't take our foot off the gas and just say, well, this is hard, so I'm gonna just kind of live in denial for a couple years with these young adults in my house. No, this is the time, especially as disciple makers, to turn it up and get creative and pour more

Why Parents Cannot Back Off

Paul 4:18

into your kids.

Jen 4:18

Yeah, I remember I taught ninth grade for a few years. Probably a few too many. That's why I don't teach anymore. I'm just kidding. Ninth graders are fun in their own ways. But I remember at open house at the very beginning of ninth grade, you tell parents, like, I know you think they're in high school now, but you don't need to check their agenda because that's them in the elementary. Do you check Johnny's agenda?

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Never.

unknown 4:40

Ever?

Jen 4:41

I bet your wife does.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

He's got a uh folder.

Jen 4:44

So you check his folder. So when they get older, you know, you give them an agenda in middle and high school. And I taught middle school for a little while, and parents had to sign agendas either daily or weekly. Okay. So then they get to ninth grade, and parents think, I don't even have to look at that. Yeah, you still need to look at this because hopefully some of them are getting to be where they're on top of their projects and know when a test is. But parents still need to look at that. And so you can't stop. And that was just teaching math. I mean, we're talking salvation, discipleship. This is so much more important. So if we can't forget about math assignments, we certainly

Teens Are Not Secret Adults

Jen 5:20

can't let up with the really important things.

Daniel 5:23

Yeah, I know that's that's kind of a trend. I see it more and more is that we talked about it beforehand that teenagers are now adults. And it gets portrayed in the media even that teenagers have something, some kind of hidden knowledge that adults just can't tap into. They're it's they're beyond it, you know. Uh it's kind of shocking to think that because uh you pay attention to their actions and their behaviors, and you're like, wait, no, you don't have hidden knowledge. You may think you do. Some writer wrote it and then some teeny bopper acted it out on a Netflix show, but you don't have it together, you know. Oh, I can stay by myself in some summer house for the summer, and man, it's gonna be the best summer of my life. I'm gonna learn so many things and so many experiences. Uh it's like, no. Uh I was talking with a student last night, an older student, and I was like, Oh, you kind of you kinda smell bad. I didn't tell them that. You know what I mean? I don't know. I think adults have figured that out, hygiene most, hopefully. So it's like, no, I don't think you got it all figured out. You need to take a shower. Kid. Sorry. That's a weird rant.

Jen 6:27

No, but that's true. I mean, it it's little things like that that m hopefully most adults have under control. Kids don't even think about.

Paul 6:36

Right. I mean, that's what is really hard about this age group is they are really starting to try to figure out who they are. And they're looking at other people. They're looking at friends. Friends are a big deal for most of them, and they want to know if they fit in. And they're not getting a lot of honest feedback or criticism like Daniel just mentioned. I think parents not only are a little tired or ready for a little bit of a break from some of the harder stages of parenting, but also I think there's fear involved. If I'm being honest with a lot of parents, they're like, I don't wanna like say the wrong thing, or you know, we've had this big fight, or you know, I don't want to ruin their self-esteem. Yeah, we can't treat kids at this age group like they're adults yet. Because they're figuring things out. They're gonna act like they know a lot more than they act like they know. That's what we just do as humans. We kind of fake it until we make it.

Jen 7:33

Yeah, I think kids are really forgiving. The younger they are, like either they forget it really easily or they're more forgiving that you are their parent, you're their teacher, their leader, whatever it is. And so they're a little more forgiving because they're supposed to trust you, right? That's what they know. I mean, if we're doing a good job of raising these kids in a safe environment, that's what we want them to think. Grown up safe and especially at home. And then once they can start questioning that, you don't want to lose that safety of it. There are times where I'll say something and I'm like, Oh, I know that didn't go over the way I wanted it to go over. But my kids will tell you very quickly, like, mom's top two jobs are teach you about Jesus. That's number one, and number two is to embarrass you. So I start that really young, like they're ready

Social Status And Gospel Identity

Jen 8:20

for that. They know it's coming. And I have a teen and a tween.

Daniel 8:23

Yeah. Yeah. That's where I wanted to talk about that for a second because I I can't remember what book it was, but it kind of got explained to me. And I think it makes a lot of sense that kids entering into middle school and beyond, they get this um social dynamic where they're starting to their brains opening up to, oh, wait, I am being judged and I'm also judging others. Uh and the way this person explained in this book was kind of like if you have a scale zero to ten, then all of a sudden you just become self-aware of that. And so it's like if I'm a six, then I only want to associate with the sevens or above because I'm trying to improve my social status. At the same time, I limit my interactions with fives or below, or I may even make fun of them to push myself up into like a better social standing, which is it's just sad. But I love that as Christians, if you're a Christian parent, that you know about the gospel of God's grace and that in reality, in our evil and wickedness, we're all zeros, right? And the only one who's supreme is God out of ten, and he bestows on us favor and honor through the death of his son. And and so it's like all of a sudden, through sonship with him, we all become tens, even though we're all kind of weird and different and really quirky and stuff like that. And this social standing just gets busted out completely. And I know Paul's talked about it doing discipleship and youth ministry, where all of a sudden the weirdest, most awkwardest kids became the life of the party because everybody knew where they stood. They were all near God through Christ, and so everyone was just having a good time, and even all the weird differences and the quarks got celebrated, they would get kind of rounded off, you know, because you did still have social interactions. Like if somebody was acting really crazy, it's like, hey, that's not right. We don't want to do that here in this group. And so everyone kind of leveled up and got on the same level at the same time. And I don't know, it's neat. So I was thinking, as parents, if that's who you are, then allowing your quirkiness and all those things to come through and to show your kids it's totally okay to be yourself in Christ, you know, and it doesn't bother you. Oh, I had a weird interaction or I made a funny joke, and I should be ashamed that I made so many dad jokes that are super lame, but I'm not at all. And this is how you can also be unaffected.

Shared Time Builds Real Talk

Paul 10:39

I think one real helpful way to navigate this is to put yourself back in the shoes of when you were that age. And what did the adults do that either really helped or that you wish they had maybe done that would have helped? And so, you know, when I think about that, I go more to my mom who took the time to sit down and talk with me, even though I probably wasn't through some of those seasons very fun to talk to, or had, you know, a chip on my shoulder, whatever it might have been, she still consistently sat down and wanted to know how I was, how's your day? Because most teenagers, especially guys, are gonna say fine. And so, you know, going being able to push beyond that and have some conversations, maybe uh my mom would make a little snack for me. It's like, ah, that's cool. Yeah, I appreciate that still uh as a teenager and want to talk to me. And so I remembered that, and so I tried to carry that over into like my kids' lives where I would try to think now what would make a difference here. I need to talk to my son about some stuff that's a little difficult. But maybe we go out and throw the frisbee for a minute first, you know, or throwing the frisbee, and then I'd say, hey, let's walk around, let's walk down the street for a minute and chat. And you know, build the relationship with them just through some shared time together and join things with each other. I mean, that's what I know I valued as a kid growing up was that if my parents kind of almost forced some time together, uh, and it was easier probably back when I was growing up, we didn't have the cell phones and stuff around as much. There was TV and other things, of course, that could distract us. But yeah, for mom or dad to say, especially at that age, um, let's go fishing, I don't know, let's go uh riding the car, let's go rockwall climbing. Yeah. Exactly. At that age and stage, your social life is expanding. You know, you're wanting to go hang out with your friends, so or do other things. A lot of times there's sports, extracurricular activities, just lots of things that keep you busy. And so parents can let their foot off the gas and say, Well, my kid's just busy. I'm pretty busy too, so we'll see each other at home and we'll talk about the difficult things over the table and just deal with it, versus saying, How am I gonna really connect?

Jen 12:53

And I don't think it starts when they're tweens or teens. Like that's something that starts from day one, like you're building in and it carries over.

Daniel 13:01

Yeah, it just continues then.

Jen 13:03

It doesn't but if it hasn't started then, then yes, start where you are. But I think that relationship that you've built all along is important. I think about my parents and me. I was probably difficult. I mean, I was good, like don't get me wrong. I'm a pleaser, I'm a rule follower, there are rules for a reason, and I was that way, I've been that way my whole life. So like I I wasn't breaking rules or anything, but I had quite the attitude. I'm pretty confident. And my mom and I butted heads probably a lot. So it was good the relationship. Um she and I still had a very good relationship, even though we did butt heads, and of course that continues through adulthood, but my parents balanced each other out. So it wasn't always one parent having the hard conversations. It wasn't always one parent who was the fun parent or one who was the jailer, you know what I mean? Like my parents were very much on the same page, but they were in it together. Like, if I had had a rough moment with my mom, then my dad wasn't just gonna be nice. I mean, he was gonna but it you know, you know what I'm saying. Like they balanced each other out. They both enforced rules, they both had hard conversations, but they also both continued building relationships throughout teenage life with my brother and I both. So it was important there.

Daniel 14:16

I

Model Faith And Reframe Their Stories

Daniel 14:17

had a thought, uh, I definitely want to hear from James too, especially about like Johnny, if y'all got any cool activities like catching. I really think this is true. If you have a great relationship, we're able to speak into their lives to do that often because I think students a lot of times they go through experiences. I just you said go back to when you're a kid. I had experiences when I was a kid, and they became like imprinted on me. Well, this is now my identity, is I'm a loser or this, that, and the other. But if I'd have just talked to my parents, they would have seen it from the adult's eye, you know, the kind of 20,000-foot view. They would be able to talk me through this and be like, no, this isn't the end of the world. This isn't actually true. Well, maybe they meant this, maybe this, maybe that, or even through like my own interactions with them. They never treated me in an ill way or something like that. But every now and then something would happen and I would internalize it as, oh, I'm no good because of da-da-da-da-da. It's like you need more explanation for that to say, no, hey man, you're good. This is what I'm seeing in you. Man, I love how God's growing you in this area. Wow, okay, you're struggling here, but I know you're gonna overcome. Let's work on this together. All these little, they're nothing. They're like so little effort words. I mean, you have to be able to, you have to know your kids and be paying attention to catch them to know what to say. But I mean, I hear y'all talk, and that's what y'all do. You're like, my kids like this, da da da. It's like you're already seeing all these things because you're paying attention. Like that's what parents do. Speaking into those things and rightly interpreting events in their lives, and to get them to see it that way also, I think it's just so powerful. And it also teaches them that, you know, uh not everything that they go through, like their immediate reaction to it is true. There is a possible different interpretation of this and and a way to see it. So that's a random thought.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

So many of the things that I saw my parents were not necessarily the things they said to me. You know, so like that's important, but just seeing how they lived. Yeah. And I think that we can kind of undersell just how people see us live and trade it for the things that we say. You know, so with Johnny, it's like, yes, I want to have those conversations where I mention specific things, but also just to see how I live. You know, when when I'm with them, when I'm not, like that's spoken a lot to me.

Paul 16:40

Yeah, I was gonna bring that up too. So thank you, James. That's smart. Uh because they are watching, they're learning, absorbing uh how we uh are with our technology. Yeah, they're gonna mimic that how we are with our spouse or our friends or how we act at church, whatever it might be, they're they're watching us. And it's weird. They don't a lot of times seem like they're watching, they don't seem interested in and especially at that age, but they are. And so it's hard to remember that. I mean, when I think back to being a teenager, I don't feel like my personality changed. I felt like I stayed pretty much the same, but I know it changed. So for them, they feel like they're the same person, and we're sitting there saying, Why are you acting different? What's going on with you? You know? So as parents, we see all of a sudden them go from like, you know, uh like a young man's going to experience anger at some point. That's just probably going to be part of the testosterone and the world that a young man grows up in, he's going to all of a sudden express anger. And you're like, where did this come from? Your personality's changing. But to them, no, they're the same person. And so I think I like what Jennifer said about parents being able to recognize, okay, I butt heads with this personality now, this child who, you know, we kind of got along. Now we're button heads, but if you do have, you know, a spouse there that can help balance that out, that's a great way to be creative in kind of tag teaming. You know, I always want to be bad cop, good cop, or you know, I'm the one that has to always be the rule maker. But it's weird as parents, we see their personalities all of a sudden, maybe not changing but developing really quickly. And you're like, whoa, okay, maybe you should handle this one because we butt heads all of a sudden. And a lot of times it's those that are a little more similar, I noticed. So like, you know, my wife and my son are very similar, and they would just bump heads over stuff, and I'm like, Y'all, stop it. And now it's really fun because they're older and they really can communicate way better than than I can with either one, yeah, almost so

Phones Letters And Hard Conversations

Paul 18:38

yeah.

Jen 18:38

Daniel, something you said, and then Paul brought up technology, and I have found myself holding my phone too much, and I just want to put it away because I don't want Parker to always have to have a phone in his hand. You know, he's 15. So he of course already thinks he has to have a phone in his hand all the time. So I don't want to influence that even more. But with technology, if you're not checking your kid's phone, of course you should do that. But when you do, like don't just look for the bad things that are happening, but look for tips about good things too, or ways that they're changing, or how their friends are influencing them. Some of those good friends that they have, again, this is part of that parent stuff, like you can't let off just because they can drive when they turn 16. That doesn't mean that you don't have to take them to church on Sunday. You know what, whatever it is, we can't stop. And so being intentional, checking their phones, you really see a different side of who they are sometimes. Like I've seen stuff I didn't want to see, but I've seen good things too. And I've really seen good things coming from friends. And that's a really big deal when you have a teenager and you may not know all of their friends anymore because they can drive to get here or ride with somebody else to get here, and they're not as accessible, I guess, in your home. They can go other places. So you may not know all the friends, and you can really get to know some friends by the text that they send too. And then Daniel, you were talking about conversations that you're having. I know one of my kids now doesn't want to talk about it. And I'm a talker. So I wanna I wanna say all these things, and I want to tell you how amazing I think you are and how gifted you are in these areas and and all these things, but it it's not a welcome conversation, even in a positive way. It's not a welcome conversation because right now words are just hard. And so writing your kids letters or having a journal back and forth with them, like those are ways that those really hard conversations and even questions that starting at seven, eight, nine, all the way through, as long as you can keep it up with them. Journals are a really good way to have a conversation back and forth, especially on hard things. I'm not saying avoid hard conversations because you're gonna want to talk about it, but just to get some things out sometimes, writing it down, good and bad, are good alternatives.

Paul 21:01

Yeah, two quick things on that. Thank you, Jennifer. And everybody, I appreciate everybody's input for sure today. Because this is not hard to talk about. It's just something sometimes it's like, oh no. And I don't want if you're listening and you've got kids, you know, little little ones now, I don't want you to dread this by any means. And that's kind of what culture's done. It's like, oh no, you know, when you have teenagers, get ready, it's gonna be miserable. Not at all. That's not what we're saying. Will it be hard? Yes. Will you need to be more creative? And intentional is a big part of this, being intentional and thinking and just not letting your foot off the gas, because it can be more fun too, a lot more fun than when they were, you know, little, and you're doing things and their whole world's expanding. It's awesome. They're doing so many first. I mean, driving the first time they leave out the driveway. Oh my goodness, by themselves, the first job they get, the first, like, you know, maybe crush or serious, you know, like I like this person sort of thing, and friends and spend the nights and party. I mean, it is so much fun. Fun with this age group, but also there's that fear that, oh no, they're just going to rebel, teenage rebellion. So don't dread this by any means. Look forward to it. Just have your eyes open. You got to be more creative and intentional, especially the discipleship. I want to go back to the phones real quick. Yeah. Because, hey, look, here's advice I can give. I feel safe saying this on into the future because technology changes so much. But just take the time to Google and research a little bit like, what's the best way to look at my kid's phone and know what's going on? Yeah. Because you're going to find there's new apps constantly being offered to kids that allow them to hide content. And there's always new ways to figure out how to message friends and then hide that. They think, okay. But stay one step ahead and realize that you can go look at deleted text. I hope teens aren't listening to this. It's mostly parents. Because we don't want them to know that. But yeah, the delete text, but those are sitting in the deleted text box. So you can go look at that and say, oh, wow. They didn't want me to see this one. And so be smart, be wise to just stay a step ahead. And yes, Jennifer, it's really cool when you find good stuff.

Jen 23:05

Yes.

Paul 23:06

And really good stuff. And you're like, wow, man, God's at work right here. This is awesome. Need to work on this spot over here, but this is awesome, you know, or and to see friends because that is huge. How big are friends at that age?

Jen 23:18

Way more important than their parents, they think.

Paul 23:20

Yeah, in their minds, yes. When I think back, I'm like, yeah, my parents had a big impact on me. And James is right. I watched them and learned so much by watching and just absorbing who they are. But in my mind at that age, I'm like, what do my friends think? That's all I care about.

unknown 23:36

You know?

Paul 23:37

And they had huge influence on me. So man, if you've got your friends at that age connected with a church and a youth group and they are building some friendships with other believers, wow. That is massive when all of a sudden their friend wants them to start doing a Bible study together. Or journaling, learning God's word together. It's huge.

Daniel 24:00

Man, yeah. Difficult. It's just different, right? Different. I was thinking about the writing notes to your kids thing. I love that. I think there's an alternative, which is bear hugging them and making sure you get their arms and they're completely kind of paralyzed. Yes.

Say I Love You And Mean It

Daniel 24:17

And as you hug them, you treat them like you would like, oh, I love you so much. I do that at least weekly. Yeah. I love these things. And they're like, uh, stop for me. Get off it. Oh my gosh, no, I can't.

Paul 24:31

Well, I can tell you the most valuable words I hear from my parents now is of course I love you, which means so much, and I'm proud of you. Yes.

Jen 24:40

Yes.

Paul 24:41

You know, and that carries me for months. You know, my dad to tell me one time, I'm proud of you, man. Just keep it up. Yes. Cannot hear that enough as a kid. And so for that age group, especially as they're trying to figure out who they are, who they want to listen to, what makes them valuable. If parents, if we can find creative ways of letting them know, I am proud of you.

Daniel 25:01

Oh, yeah.

Jen 25:02

Especially if it's in a way they've struggled.

Paul 25:05

Yeah.

Daniel 25:05

Seeing improvements.

Jen 25:07

Yeah.

Daniel 25:07

Oh man. Hey, you know what? I'll just put on to this, your adult kids, well, you're saying it, yeah, now as you are right now. My brother, he would put that out there recently. He was like, My dad said, I'm proud of you. And he was like 37 at the time. And it was through a Facebook post, and he said, I wept. He hadn't heard it up until that point, or it hadn't been clearly communicated up until that point. And so he was so moved that a Facebook post would make him weep. That's crazy. You know what I mean? So it's like, yeah, your kids need to hear that. I know they hear I love you, and I are, you know, I'm assuming this is a good relationship here. Could not be, maybe. If your parents, if you're not saying that to your kids and you you do in fact love them, I would say tell them that.

Paul 25:53

I've heard that before that like kids hear I love you. Their grades are higher all through like middle school, high school. And so, like, you know, eventually your kids start driving to school and you're not dropping them off anymore. But, you know, with my kids forever, I'm praying with them in the morning right before I drop them off, and I'm saying I love you as they get out of the car, whether they say it back or not, you know. Yeah, not a big deal. But then, you know, once they start driving on their own to try to catch them in that morning before they leave, say, I love you. Just throwing that in there. Uh, the whole showing them that you're proud of them is very rewarding and super important to do, but be prepared that you may plan something that you think's really gonna land with them, and they just kind of act like it doesn't matter, like, I'm so proud of you. Yeah, but I promise you, they go in the room, they hold on to that thing, they stick it in their desk. Yeah, they might weep. I don't know. They hide it in their desk and look back at it later. But to you, a lot of times they just don't know quite how to express right thanks yet, or like gratitude. They're kind of like, mm-hmm.

Daniel 26:54

No, I would say, yeah, I love you, I like you, I'm proud of you. When I say I like you, I mean pointing out the things you're like. This is yes, man. I love that you're so good at this thing. Where did you learn this from? That's insane. The rock wall climbing, that suggestion came from a book I read. This one dad and son, that's how they spent time together with rock wall climbing. And so his kids up there on the wall calling out spots, okay, go in this direction, go in this, okay, take a step down. Okay, da da da. And then he had two kids with him. So the the other kids up there, the first kid came down, he's like, Man, you were a wild man up there. That was insane what you just did. The kid doesn't say anything for a second, but then a moment later he turns back, he's like, Was I really like crushing it up there? He's like, Yeah, man, you were it was amazing. You did this move from here. That's insane, dude. You're crazy. Um, which, if you're a walkwalk climber, you're all crazy. Any last thoughts, profound insights?

Jen 27:52

Yeah, something you just said when he had two kids with him, he probably had to say something totally different to the other kid.

Daniel 27:57

Yeah.

Jen 27:57

So do better.

Daniel 28:00

Well, he's running an experiment, he's feeding more.

Jen 28:03

Maybe he's telling the other one I loved how cautious you were. You really made sure. You know, because my first two, they're very similar and lots of uh personality traits. Academically, they're night and day. But the third one, oh my goodness, I don't understand. He doesn't fit the same mold that the first two. So things that we said or did, you know, no matter what age, and this is true, all parents know this, but when we say get creative and put more intentionality into it, that means with each child.

Nehemiah Mindset And How To Reach Us

Daniel 28:32

I was gonna point out we're doing a study through Nehemiah, and I was shocked when I got to this part of the story, which was they had just built the wall, they did it in 52 days, and then Nehemiah didn't just go like sleep for a couple weeks. It's like, no, the next chapter, he is getting rules and guidelines for how they're gonna protect Jerusalem. Because he's like, oh no, it's not over. The fight is still going, we're still under some kind of threat here. So we're gonna only open the doors at noonday when the sun is out, so it's not like we're opening it at 6 a.m. and there could have been some weird little hobbits and hobbit cloaks hiding perfectly as rocks. But yeah, so we're not getting any sneak attacks. Here's the rotations we're gonna do. Okay, we need to worry about this, and da-da-da. So I was just shocked. He didn't just uh hang it up and go, okay, I did what I came to do, build a wall, and now y'all figure it out. And so the same with uh your children, the older they get, you know, it's so easy, it's perceived as easier to phone it in because they're basically adults, they know how to cook food and they sort of kind of can drive, right? Or they're off at college now, it's it's on them to figure it out. It's like, no, bro, like that's uh just makes me angry even saying that. And oh, well, they're married now. And don't get me wrong, you know, the two shall become one flesh, and you leave father and mother and be cleaved to another. But they still need guidance and just having the conversations and that kind of sounding board in order to hear their own thoughts out loud and to go, ah, that's dumb what I just thought. But I didn't know it. But I'm glad dad's here and I could say something so random to him and hear his feedback. So, anything else from you guys? No. I love it. Great topic, great talking with you guys today. Powerful. Yeah, different time calls for different uh tactics. Yeah, so uh be diligent. I hope you're praying out there and being encouraged in the Lord and getting strength from him to know what to do and what the next step is. Uh, we're here for you. We got a phone number here, the Anchored Family Ministry Podcast, 629-888-3056. We also have an email anchored at harpscrossing.com. And in fact, on certain podcast things, you can literally go into the descriptions and click on there. I want to leave a comment. You could leave us a voicemail. Yeah, it's crazy, right? You could yell at us, disagree with us, is awesome. And um, who knows, maybe we'll uh run it on air because we could actually pull that file in. So be careful what you say. Ha, no, I'm just kidding. So thank you so much for tuning in this week. Be encouraged, and as always, stay anchored.